Plain Normality
by SnowShadowuser
Summary: All Kagome wanted was to be the sneakiest, devilish little paparazzo there ever was. But saving the wrong woman at the wrong time got her a oneway trip to the altar with the man she least wanted to marry... [InuKag] AU.
1. First Film: Measuring Insanity

**AN: **I guess the idea of working on six stories is a little crazy. But most of my ongoing fics are revisions of what was deleted and lost, so it's not like I'm wasting my brain cells. And I really do need something new to work on.

Anyhow… WOOT! Introduction time! And you guessed it – it's a parody to all things American: Comics. Superhero comics, that is. You know it's stereotypical. But really; wouldn't it be SO cool to have superpowers to call your own?

Oh, and sorry if the first bit is a little… bitter. It may leave a funny taste in your mouth.

**Disclaimer: **I do _not _own Inuyasha, created by the Manga Princess/Tycoon, Takahashi Rumiko.

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Plain Normality

First Film: Measuring Insanity

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A dictionary describes Normalcy as… Normality. If you look up Normality, you'll find it defined as 'the state or fact of being normal; normalcy.' And if you look up Normalcy…

Scratch that. **I'll **explain it.

Normalcy is a habitual existence, where everything is average and your day is full of plain, ordinary events and people. Average; ordinary – some things people don't want to live through. And some things people are happy to live with.

I, to put it simply, was a nincompoop.

Before I stepped out of my daily routines, before I took off my veil of false promises, my hood of naïve misconceptions, I had less chance of enlightenment than…well, a rock lobster. My life was all about tests, dating, and grades.

I was your typical schoolgirl.

Then I met him.

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"A little blurry, don't you think?"

I sighed. I didn't even like cameras. Whenever I tried taking pictures my hands start shaking like I was having seizure and I'd lose my balance. It was my clumsiness at work.

"Is this the best picture you have?"

I nodded meekly. Even to this day I remember cowering under his unholy gaze. It was unnerving to say the least.

The man took off his Armani glasses and gently rested the frames on the slick mahogany desktop. He pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, as if concentrating on a serious matter. Or maybe he was picturing me naked.

"Miss Higurashi," he started. "You are aware that there are many, more _qualified_, candidates vying for this position?"

_Yeah right_, I thought. "Of course."

"They are more certified for this line of work."

_You already said that. _"Of course."

"They are much more capable of handling on-the-scene tasks."

_Way to be sincere, jerk. _"Of course."

"And some of them are even prettier than you."

…_stupid zany pervert. _"…of course?"

"So, understandably, it saddens me to say that I am going hire you."

He said it in such a serious, monotone voice it took me a few seconds before realizing this was **good **news. "Oh," I said.

"You have talent," he continued. "Still shaky on the focus… and you need to take better care of your lenses."

"Sorry sir."

"But it'll do," he looked like he was already regretting hiring me. "You're dismissed."

"What?" I blinked, forgetting to be meek and obedient.

"You'll report back half past 7 tomorrow morning. My secretary will assign you a cabinet. And bring your camera… I'm interested to know the type of parts someone like you use."

"Yes sir," I stood up from the uncomfortable seat. "I'll be here bright and early."

He smiled, charmingly too. He shook my hand and held on to it a little longer than necessary. "By the way, my name is Miroku. Miroku Nagano."

Surprise, surprise! A fellow child of the land of the rising sun!

"It was nice to meet you, Mr. Nagano," I said, proudly pronouncing his name correctly.

I think, in a weird sort of way, my fluency turned him on.

"Call me Miroku."

I skedaddled out of there before he could ask for my number (a pointless thing to do because, officially, he had just become my boss).

So, there I was, strutting down the street because I had a JOB. Yes, it was a distasteful occupation and pretty darn underappreciated… but I had a JOB. It was definitely not my choice of career…

I rounded a corner and took the alley behind the discount store. Usually, bad stuff happened in dark alleyways. But it was in the middle of the afternoon. What could _possibly _happen?

_**"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**_

Probably that.

I froze and witnessed an ongoing struggle. A pretty brunette, probably a high school cheerleader, was being assaulted by two huge brutes. They had shabby hats and scruffy coats on; they resembled hobos… but what kind of hobo wielded gold-handled machetes?

So I did the first thing I could think of.

I shot back the way I came and ran for the main road.

"MURDER!" I yelled. "BLOODY MURDER! ASSAULT! RAPE! RAAAAAAPE!" My screams were screechy and unbearably whiney. Too bad it was Sunday – most people were still asleep, at church, or down the street visiting the lively downtown area.

I distinctly remembered seeing a phone booth half a block away before something hard and cold struck me behind the neck. Curses. My purse must've weighed me down… or maybe it was the heels. Next thing I knew, I was on my back and a pair of hands was dragging me back by my ankles.

"Hey," I groaned. "Stop that!"

They chuckled menacingly. What a pleasant response.

"I'm serious! This is a satin trench coat."

"What'll we do with this one?" one of them growled, dropping my ankle.

"Don't know… she's not as young as this one," the other examined the brunette.

"I'm only 20," I mumbled, resentfully so.

Surprisingly, they heard every word of it. One of them keeled down next to me and bored into my face.

"Only 20, huh?" his pupils dilated. "You can still do it like a teen, right?"

It took a moment to sink in. Then I blushed, embarrassed and furious. "That's just gross! Who do you think you are, talking like you're some swinging pimp or a… umm…"

It became hard to find words after I saw his eyes. Mainly because they weren't human.

"Demons," I whispered.

(That explained the stench.)

"_Hey."_

I don't know what stood out the most. His glimmering hair, his questionable fashion statement, or his tweaking dog ears. Perhaps the sunset behind him set the mood...and it was still morning. Or maybe I was slowly losing consciousness. I can still picture his heroic entrance.

That was probably what started my crazy life. My crazy story. Because of him, my life went from drab to 'GAH!'

But back to the story…

The colors drained out of the attackers' faces.

"You!" one of them hissed. "You're here?"

"Inuyasha!" the other spat his name out like a dirty word. "Just whose side are you on?"

I didn't understand what they meant. Not that it mattered, because my numb body was starting to prickle.

There was a thud. I looked up and saw one of them fall. There was a grunt and a hard crunch, but I didn't know what was happening. Of course, I became more conscious when one of the machetes landed inches away from my nose, piercing the cement ground.

My legs tingled, and I had enough sense in me left to sit up and _move_ when there was a clang. The second machete fell on its hilt and flipped, slicing the air where my feet had been. Two words: Woman's intuition.

"You okay?"

I looked behind me and saw this Inuyasha guy kneel in front of the teenager. She blushed and gleefully nodded. I saw her pull up her skirt, ever so slightly.

_Hussy_, I thought. I knew better than to speak out loud around demons after that incident. But what really bugged me was how the 'hero' had past me. He ignored me as if I was a sac of potato and strolled right over to the teen.

I couldn't believe his arrogance. I was a victim too!

I slowly stood up, uncertainly leaning against the brick wall. My feet were weak, but at least I could walk again. And just like that, I walked away. He didn't even try to help, or even ask if I was well. What a prick!

While I was making my exit, a thought hit me.

Maybe heroes like him went for younger chicks nowadays. That must've been it… that's why he went straight for that schoolgirl.

I sighed, getting onto the main street. I was 20, true. But it was hard to believe I had grown so old in such a short amount of time. I still think about what I was like when I was 15. Young and energetic… unusually popular too.

Five years later, I had changed into a tired woman, working as a…

That reminded me.

I walked down the block and pulled out some coins from my purse. I got into the phone booth I spotted earlier and fed it some change before dialing some numbers. There were a couple of rings before someone answered on the other end.

"_Moshi moshi?"_

Good ole' mom, accustomed to answering in Japanese; the language engraved in her mind.

"Mama," I said with a childish grin on my face. "I got a job!"

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"You're late."

The secretary was a strict girl with an attitude to boot. Her hair was bound by a pink bow and she wore a green business suit with a light floral pattern on the hem of her skirt.

"Sorry," I answered nervously. "There was an accident on Grover's–"

"Please follow me," she interrupted and promptly walked away. I quickly caught up after a little pause, shocked. She had spunk, I'll tell you that.

"My name is Nazuna," she directed me through the hallway. "You will be working directly under Mr. Nagano. He will be overseeing your projects before the release dates. You are responsible for the care of all the electronics provided in the cubicle. Because you will be managing independently, I am not obligated to respond to your calls. Here's your space."

It was roomy; a spare camera sat next to a VAIO laptop and a coat hanger stood next to the garbage pail. I was missing a chair, though.

"Mr. Nagano will be expecting you shortly," she said and turned around.

"In his office?"

She immediately stopped in her tracks and whirled around, glaring. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Nazuna sighed and held her forehead. "Please follow me."

It was annoying for the both of us; she didn't like giving tours and I didn't like lugging my 5 ton camera equipments around. We got back to her desk and she sat down while already fiddling with the phone. She held up a finger, gesturing me to wait.

"This is Nazuna," she said. "Yes, Ms. Higurashi is here with me. Yes, I will give her the directions. …no, I will not be free this evening. Yes, she will be there shortly." She quickly slammed the phone down and cleared her throat. "Mr. Nagano is waiting outside. He will be directing you to the scene."

"Scene?"

She held up her hand, palm up, and signaled me to get going. Either she was a mother or she was the crankiest young adult I had ever met.

Sure enough, Miroku was waiting outside with a smile on his face, obviously amused. It was a cool day, the wind picking up leaves and lifting skirts on the street.

"Follow me, newbie," he spoke casually. "I'm going to show you what the world is like through the eyes of the paparazzi."

He said it – paparazzi. I felt so dirty right then. Who knew I would be working for someone like him?

"You're perfect," Miroku chattered as the two of us walked down the street. "You have an innocent face and a perky body language. No one would suspect you if you hid your camera better."

I frowned, staying silent. I realized then that this was why I was hired. I looked normal, able to blend into the crowd.

"Apparently," he stopped in his tracks. "The scene brought itself over to us."

Before I could question what he meant, a couple of police cars drove by, sirens blaring. Up above, a helicopter was hovering with a reporter dangling from the door.

The ground slightly shook.

"There he is."

I knew who Miroku meant the moment I heard it. It was a feeling, really.

"_Hey!" _Inuyasha yelled from the roof of a tall building, directing it at someone on the street below. "_You're running away?"_

A scaly lizard monster crawled out of the shadows and tried to make a mad dash for the streets. Inuyasha, who had been standing patiently on the edge of the roof, tipped forward and did a summersault in the air, landing inhumanly on his bare feet before he could crash on the ground.

There were people on the streets, of course. He paid no attention to them, and the police couldn't block the road fast enough. Girls and kids screamed, both with different reasons, and stayed rooted to the spot.

Couple of craters later, a news reporter came onto the scene with her microphone ready. Her cameraman was situated a couple feet away, perfectly immobile. I don't know how anybody could do that. The reporter stopped brushing her perfect hair as the cameraman counted down with his fingers.

3, 2, 1.

"We're here live at Grover's Avenue. Early this morning a lizard demon snuck into the confines of the city guardhouse and slaughtered two men. Before police arrived, however, the famous _Halfling _vigilante appeared on the scene."

She stepped back, forcing me to scramble away.

"As you all know, Inuyasha, who has been missing for months, is the son of a heroin and a villain. This is why he has been dubbed _Halfling._ Because he has been out of action for nearly 5 months, his reappearance has drawn incredible support and interest."

I knew why Miroku wanted me to see him.

Inuyasha was a hero alright. A superhero.

Miroku chuckled. "So, up for the task?"

I watched with the same childish grin on my face, observing the hero giving the lizard demon a much needed beat down.

"I'm going to enjoy this."

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**AN: **Anyone would feel shocked/aggravated when, one day, they go on their bio and find nearly all their memorable fics DELETED. Without a notification. Until two days later. When it was way too late.

…but I was sort of expecting it. During that time a lot of fics were getting deleted because of the rating upgrades. Even authoresses I oh so respected lost their fics. When incredible writers with amazing stories had to suffer, I knew little people like little ole' me would be taking major hits. And I was right.

Well, I'm over it. But I really do miss all the reviews I received for Get A Life, Half Innocent, Just Dance, etc.… I even miss that one flame I received for Get A Life. OK, maybe I miss it only because I got to make fun of it in the end, but…

…eh.

So this fic goes out to everyone that ever reviewed one of my stories and had the misfortune of seeing it taken down.

Major kudos to all!


	2. Measuring Insanity, Pt 2

Plain Normality

**Measuring Insanity, Pt 2**

* * *

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

"Kagome Higurashi, no middle name."

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

"Age; twenty one… Bullet wound to the shoulder. Main artery…"

It was so surreal. I remember the ride on the stretcher, and I remember feeling like I was sinking in cotton. I guess that's how stretchers were built like; to make people feel like they were riding on clouds— slightly rigid, flat clouds. Anyway, after that I think I was in the ambulance… I remember the sirens. There was another ambulance behind me. An IV tube… Drip, drip, drip… A slight sting and a consistent drip…

"Critical wound: Immediate surgery…"

A guy wearing a mask stood above me. I think. He was wearing a mask? I must be in a private hospital. Or maybe I had SARS or something. Bird flue, maybe? I wondered what was going on, and retraced my steps from this morning…

* * *

Miroku Nagano is, needless to say, a charismatic young man. Some call him a striking male specimen. Actually, almost everyone describes Miroku as a hormone driven sex god, and when I say almost everyone I mean all the girls he's ever dated and slept with…allegedly. I call him a flamboyant example of a boy without enough parental influence in his youth to curve his inevitable… interest/obsession with the opposite sex. 

According to the system files, he was orphaned at age 6 when his father died of a sudden heart attack, following his deceased wife, who happened to die by hypothermia two years after giving birth to her only son. Both of their graves are located in sector 24-K03, row 16 in lot number 14. Miroku was raised by his godfather, name unrecorded, who raised him till he graduated high school and went onto NYU, New York University, with a full scholarship.

He majored in Journalism.

During his enrollment he was arrested twice. The first arrest was by mistaken identity (Miroku's three earrings were similar to a local gang symbol… allegedly). The second arrest is unrecorded. It was immediately expunged. All records of his graduation, internship, and hospitalization have been deleted since then, though fragments of documents have resurfaced. If one was to look hard enough.

Like the record of his short service in the military.

Miroku Nagano is, needless to say, a charismatic young man.

…and a zany pervert to boot.

* * *

It was around daybreak, before I had any breakfast… 

"_Curse you,"_ I screeched, "ugly beast!"

"Now Kagome," Miroku casually propped his feet up on the mahogany desk, something he practiced when no one was looking. "That's quite an uncharacteristic response, my dear." As he clamped the black receiver between his shoulder and ear, he reached for his ball pen and started to jot a few notes down on his notepad.

"_No," _my voice was cut off by static.

"Kagome?" The scribbling stopped.

"_A GOAT'S chasing me!"_

There was a thud. I found out later that Miroku had fallen off his leather armchair, not out of shock, but because his office phone had suddenly blasted up to the maximum volume. Brushing himself off and casually turning down the volume, he sat back down as if nothing had happened, albeit the pen and notepad was on the floor, and pleasantly answered with a, "Is that so?"

"You OWE ME!" I screamed and dived behind a dumpster. "I can't believe THIS is the money shot!"

"I never said a goat was the—"

"That's not what I mean!"

"Would you," Miroku rolled his tongue and drawled out the question (I think he used to be the captain of his debate team), "care to explain how you found a goat?"

Oh, would I ever! "Can you do a simple equation?"

"Geometry or Calculus?"

"Exotic dancers plus a wild, wet bachelor party, you tell me."

"Do you have an example? Preferably in a photo?"

_Click_

"Ah CRUD!" I looked at my obsolete phone. "Lost Connection" my ass; if I was still in Japan I could've kept those highly overused yet extremely useful video phones.

Over the course of the year, my camera holster grew to the size of an overstuffed turkey on Thanksgiving. Screw stealth and speed—I needed technology and I needed the best I could get my grubby little hands on. However, my irresponsible spending was catching up to me. Picture little ole me huffing and puffing with a turkey slung over my shoulder while I tried to outrun a mad bloodthirsty carnivorous goat.

This was my life. One year passed in an instant, and before I knew where my inner youth went I was 21 years old. Twenty one. I was _old._ And I was now running away from a drool flinging goat bent on shredding my undies.

"Curse you Miroku," I panted and pocketed the spare film dirtied by my sweaty hands. "Curse you stupid zany – AGH!" I ran smack into the fence when I spared a wary glance over my shoulder. Not hesitating, I leapt with a mighty jump and grabbed the top of the fence. Thank lord they didn't line the top with barbed wire. Without wasting anymore time I climbed up with a furious grunt.

Then something sharp and jagged grazed my ankle. "STOP!" I screeched and desperately kicked. I'm against animal abuse and all that, but I wasn't going to let a mad goat bite my ankle off. "Bad doggy! _Bad puppy!_ **Bad kitty!**"

RRRRRRRRIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Crud.

That's how Nazuna found me. It must've been a sight, seeing one of her boss's employees walking in with one pant leg missing and the other torn in interesting patterns, leaving nothing to the imagination. Picking the leaves out of my hair, I cleared my throat and tried to look as professional as possible. Pretty pointless? You bet.

"So, Nazuna, are you checking packages again?"

I don't know what the secretary thought of me. I've worked with her for a year and I still can't figure out if she hates me, dislikes me, disregards me, or secretly resented me. For a year all she did was treat me like a child. Compared to my coworkers, she was a dear friend. (Sad, I know.) I was virtually invisible in the building.

"Yes," she sighed wearily. "The secretary's the bomb squad. If it's an explosive I'll be the only casualty."

"Well then I'll get you a mighty fine tombstone, Missy," I said with the best southern accent I could muster. People always find American southern accents comforting. Don't know why, but… eh.

Nazuna scoffed at my usual antics and pressed the second button on her intercom. "Miss Higurashi is here. I'll send her in."

"Thanks!" I grinned and painfully limped to Miroku's office. I lifted my chin. I had a few things to say to that zany pervert.

Over the year I grew to enjoy my work. I became better at hiding behind trees, garbage cans, bushes, park benches; whatever I could use. And I wasn't just an innocent face anymore. I knew how to use my wiles. My feminine wiles, that is.

I stood in front of Miroku's desk, glaring at the face happily betraying annoyance and, perhaps, amusement.

"My dear Kagome," he purred with an overly syrupy voice. "I think you're aware that there is a dress code in this building. And, dear lord, you look like you were mauled by dogs."

Twitch, twitch. "It was a goat, Mr. MI-RO-KU." I knew what he really meant.

For a year, I've been demanding to go after the Halfling – Inuyasha. Of course, he promised me the part on my first day, but he wasn't letting me start just yet. Nope, Miroku's been stringing me along for a year, telling me I needed to get better shots and still had room for improvement and all the typical excuses. _Even though…_

"I revealed two superhero identities! I unmasked two vigilantes before the papers OR the reporters! How many employees before I came managed **that**? Tell me Miroku, how many?"

He answered with an easy, "Nada."

"I caught superheroes in nightclubs, getting drunk in bars with unidentified girls, and even in alleyways soliciting with prostitutes!" I was screaming by the time I finished.

"I quite enjoyed the drag queen photo," Miroku's smile seemed to widen. "Very graphic, if I may say so."

"Never mind about that superhero's strange fetish," I sighed. "When am I getting the job?"

"The Halfling?" he lazily tapped his chin. "I thought I told you. You're not ready for the likes of him."

"Not ready? Not READY?" I seethed. "Didn't you just—"

"I'm not deaf. And I'm very much aware of your accomplishments. If I hadn't hired you, you would've never gotten the chance to perform so well. I gave you your position, do you not remember?"

"Yes, but it's been EXACTLY a year since I was hired! A YEAR!"

"Do you want a celebration?"

"_Miroku!"_

"If it weren't for my generosity, you'd still be jobless. And a failure too, yes?"

"…" Oh, he knew how to manipulate the situation. That's why he was the boss and I was the employee. Dang it…

"Now," he shuffled the papers on his desk, getting down to business. "I have a new assignment for you. Are you familiar with Sector 24K?"

In the world we live today, sectors made up each city in every country and included five suburban districts and a maximum of five rural fields. Guards protected every entrance and exit to the city and the military acted as Wardens to each sector.

"Sector 24K. Yeah, that's the sector with the prisons and penitentiaries, right?"

"Yes. There have been reports of illegitimate drug dealings inside one of the penitentiaries, and it's rumored that a crime lord is running one of the prisons. And just two hours ago, there was a massive prison riot involving a broken air conditioner."

I frowned. "So?"

"The riot resulted in a prison break. Perhaps the largest the sector has ever seen."

"So?"

"So I'm telling you to go and get those pictures."

"What?" my eyes bulged. "You want me to go see a prison break?"

"The prison break took place exactly half an hour ago. The military hasn't had time to conceal the incident yet. It's an hour drive, so I suggest you get going."

"Are you kidding me? You want _me _to go to an unrestricted zone?"

Miroku slowly nodded.

"And the prisoners? The military hasn't detained them yet?"

"Now honestly, what's the point of you going if the incident's already settled?"

"Are you crazy?" I gawked. "A _woman _can't go into a sector with criminals running loose! What if I get raped?"

He chuckled. "You'd castrate someone before that happens."

"But I specialize in scandals!"

"This prison break _is_ a scandal. The tabloids can easily connect this to the crime ring or the drug lords. We'd make a bundle."

"I specialize in HERO scandals! And I'm still waiting for that Dog Shot!" (Dog Shot: Defined as the money shot capturing the Halfling in all his inevitable humiliation. Currently sought after by Kagome Higurashi.)

"I'll give you a raise… but if you really want to—"

"But today's money shot was the so-called _ticket to my raise_! Or did you forget?"

"If you had managed to get the pictures you would've produced them by now."

I consciously held my pocket. He had a point. All the pictures I had taken were blurred because I was either running for my life… or a certain pizza boy had stood in the way. And I mean in a very provocative shot… oh c'mon, you guys know about those pizza boy stories, right?

"Well," he started without so much as waiting for an answer, "you should get going. It's an hour's drive, didn't I tell you?"

* * *

Nazuna Sato was what you call a lost case. 

People say Nazuna Sato lost her youth when her parents disappeared the day before her 10th birthday. But records show she had been fairly lethargic since her 5th birthday. Nazuna Sato was enrolled in a prestigious boarding school due to her artistic achievements. She had lost all connection from her family until the news of her parents' disappearance reached her. And even then she was apathetic to the situation; not because she disliked her family, but because they were strangers to her. Or so she explained to the school therapist.

She did not attend the funeral. (The caskets were empty.)

The files state that Nazuna Sato had first met Miroku Nagano in a downtown café, when the idea of starting a paparazzi business was but an illusion for both Nagano and Sato. However, incidentally, the two were also in the military at the same time. The records even say the two were discharged on the same day, down to the last second.

She had an incredible talent in the arts. Yet, in her senior year in high school, she chose to take the new Accounting class instead of Studio Arts. That would be the turning point in her life.

Nazuna Sato was what you call a lost case.

* * *

Okay, so if I remember correctly, I got to the sector feeling pretty cruddy because I was half an hour later due to three wrong turns and a bad confrontation with the Warden regarding my expired but renewed identification card, but other than that I was pretty well off. I got to the prison with my rental car, and I remembered seeing these **_huge_**, gigantic holes decorating one side of the gray building, and a couple of respectable news reporters already swarming the lot with their cameramen tagging behind them. There were police officers pointing and shoving people away like they still had control over the situation. I was already on my way out. There was no way I was going to challenge actual reporters. A paparazzo had nothing against reporters. 

After that… let's see… I went to the mall and left my cameras and equipments behind… no, wait. I remember pocketing my spare film in my front pocket and my digital camera in my inner pocket. It was a tradition, or a ritual, I guess. That spare film stayed with me wherever I went, whether I was going to the mall or sneaking into a secret superhero bachelor pad; it was always in my pocket. The spare film, my first film, was going to symbolize my journey from that day on—my insanely long and ridiculously ludicrous journey, unfortunately.

Getting back to the storyline: Yeah, I remember what happened after that… I left my rental car in the parking lot, next to a black van (that should've been suspicious enough) and I locked my door.

"Oh dear…"

I looked up and saw a pitiful sight; a clumsy woman, a lady who looked like a soccer mom, who had dropped all her groceries on the sidewalk and was currently stumbling onto her hands and knees to grab the dirtied contents before anyone stepped on them. She was a petite woman of an obvious Asian descent thanks to her glowing black hair that reached her knee, if not her ankle. I couldn't be sure because she was crouched so low to the ground. I'm not sure what made me want to help; I was the type of person who usually avoided these small, inconvenient situations because of the numerous times I was turned away myself. Maybe it was the fact that I felt a special kinship, not because she looked like an Asian, but because she was a foreigner in this land. And perhaps her beauty hid her real age, masking the tired, weary soul that resembled my deceased inner youth…

…sorry, I was being a little poetic there. Anyhow, moving along…

After I quickly locked my car I slowly walked to the helpless woman, devising a clever plot in avoiding awkward dialogues. I was a concerned citizen, a Good Samaritan, but I didn't handle rejection pretty well. I mean, if she glared at me, scrunched her nose and told me off with a smug sneer, I might've lost it and kicked her in the face.

…right; maybe I **was** 21, but I wasn't exactly the nonviolent type.

So, formulating a plan to just go over and pick up the grocery without a word, I was feeling mighty knightly when a really, really, **REALLY** loud bang rang in the air. All at once people were either scattering away (a stupid act of desperation) or falling to the ground and holding the back of their heads (a smart reaction unless he or she was on the road…in the middle of traffic…).

I was none of them. When everyone else was running or hiding I stood my ground. Because I saw the Asian woman on the sidewalk suddenly clutch the side of her stomach. And it wasn't out of shock either. Even worse, I saw blood sort of squirt out from where the bullet went through… I mean, it was like the movies, except even more graphic. There was even a distinct mark in the sidewalk, where the bullet had wound up after going through its target.

Then I saw a red dot; a red dot as in a sniper's target, not a Hindu religion red dot thing. I saw the red target travel from the woman's bloody wound to her neck, and then to the back of her head. It stopped.

I didn't know what to think. I didn't understand why a _sniper _would target a _soccer mom_. It didn't make any sense. And the sniper was targeting her in the middle of the day, right in front of the mall. I was disgusted—and scared. But that kinship I shared with the woman… I don't know. I wanted to do something, not idly standby while someone was killing an innocent mother. And I knew I was the only one who had the choice to save her. Everyone else was too concentrated on his or her wellbeing right then.

So I jumped in front of her.

There was a bang and a sudden numbness in my shoulder… and then the feeling of falling. I went down on my knees. I felt like I was sleeping on pins and needles. Then the real pain came.

"UNNGGHHHHH!" I groaned and held my forearm. It was really bad, because, somehow, I _felt _the bullet. It had stopped inside my shoulder, and I felt it move inside my flesh. It was **really **bad. Why couldn't it have just gone through me like the first bullet did through the other woman? Then again, if the bullet in my shoulder had done that, it would've made it to the intended target, the woman behind me. I looked behind to the said woman.

Surprisingly, she had a calm, sad look on her face, which was covered in my blood, I think (or maybe blood was covering my eyes). I saw her open her mouth. I don't know what she said, because my ears were still ringing, but I think she was mouthing something along the lines of, "You shouldn't have done that."

Everything after that, as you all know, was rather fuzzy.

* * *

The Hanyou, or the Halfling, is the offspring of an "unconventional" love. 

Inuyasha Shikigawa. An odd name, because it basically spells out to "Dog Demon" and "River of Four Seasons." Shikigawa Inuyasha, the Japanese way of saying his name: River of Four Seasons, Dog Demon… the Dog Demon of the River of Four Seasons. I'd think he was some mystical, mythical god—if I didn't already know the harsh and perverted rumors that surrounded him.

The files state that Inuyasha Shikigawa was born out of wedlock, when his father, forename only recorded as Toga and ranked only as the Inu no Taisho (General of the Dogs, literally), met Inuyasha's mother, who was back then a nurse in the Kyoto University Hospital. Inu no Taisho, or his notably incorrect yet more recognizable name, Inutaisho, was and still is, "The demon of demons" or so his followers call him. The destroyer of cities and towns, the ravager of souls and minds, he had the power to wipe out a quarter, perhaps even half of humanity. Yet he never did.

Because he met Izayoi Shikigawa. Despite their obvious, more-than-racial differences, they're love blossomed. Inutaisho had been hospitalized due to a grave injury by a rival super-villain, a dragon demon from the mainland, and somehow he was admitted and hospitalized in the Kyoto University Hospital. How the paperwork ever got him into any HUMAN hospital is a mystery, as the records were immediately destroyed due to an _accidental_ computer crash. Izayoi Shikigawa was his personal nurse, because she had a gift.

She had the gift of premonition. And it wasn't one of those vague, flashes of visions and short tingles of spider-like senses. They were full blown films that played across her eyes, controlled and mastered by Izayoi after years of practicing. At will she could see her and others future. Due to this, however, she had grown lethargic of her future. Her life was dull, uneventful. So she swore off using her powers… unless her service was ever needed by any superheroes. Thanks to her gift, her superiors thought she could handle nursing the demon villain they called Inutaisho.

Izayoi Shikigawa was quite a looker. And quite an obedient daughter. When she first met Inutaisho she was already promised to the son of a billionaire businessman. She was constantly solicited by superheroes visiting her during her work hours, and she was recorded to have made several harassment charges against three to four men, villains and heroes alike… per month. Her father did not help. He, after all, pushed her into her nursing job, a respectable position for a woman in Japan.

In the database, the files claim that Inutaisho had been admitted to the exact same hospital room seven times more after the first stay in a span of three months. And Izayoi was his nurse every time. It wasn't love at first sight. It wasn't a short fling either. And I don't think Inutaisho had been ambushed by a pack of bloodthirsty demons seven times in a row. You all know what I mean: It was a relationship that started with instant infatuation and rose to full blown passion. Everything after that, if you continued down the lines, was rather vague and… suspicious. The records claimed that they lived happily ever after…

But what about the man Izayoi had been promised to by her father? What about Inutaisho's past? What about his marital status? Didn't he already have a family? And how could a superhero and a super-villain live a happy life without getting caught in some kind of snag?

All I'm saying is…

Everyone, ignoring all the records and files listed on the database, has some sort of shifty pasts. You can't trust random paperwork if you want to be an investigative journalist.

Or a paparazzo.

* * *

I sort of woke up from my daze in a really cruddy mood. For one thing, my shoulder felt like dead weight. I didn't know where I was, and I realized I was dressed in this really uncomfortable paper-like material. It crinkled when I shifted on my cardboard like bed, and I feared many, _many_ paper cuts. The room was white, but somewhat creamy in a way that reminded me of sugar cookies and not asylums or hospitals. The rockets and flowers on the wallpapers helped, but it sort of made me feel like a naïve little kid. There was a pretty obsolete computer next to my bed, making beeps in sync with my heartbeats. Those beeps annoyed me. 

Plus there were these white hairs hanging over my face and tickling my nose…

Wait… what?

"Perhaps a mistake."

"But you heard her… she wasn't in the vision."

I didn't dare look. I sort of squinted and pretended to stay asleep. The hurried whispers were rushed and mumbled, as if the conversation was taboo, but I was close enough to hear the whole thing.

"Maybe a trick…"

"No spells' strong enough to interfere…the girl was unexpected. The sniper didn't expect it when he fired the second shot."

"Mind control?"

"No, highly unlikely…"

I saw who was speaking. I had to open my eyes not because the said man had backed up and his butt was suddenly taking up half my view, yeah that was a little annoying, but because I recognized the voice. White hair, rough voice… my eyes widened then. DOG EARS!

"**_OH MY LORD!"_**

I must've taken both men by surprise; because when I sat up I saw Inuyasha whirl around with a crazy look on his face, ready for a sneak attack or a Ninja assassin or something, and the scientist/doctor standing behind him sort of threw his clipboard in front of his face, letting out a really girly shriek with an exclamation of "I have glasses on!"

The moments that followed were perhaps the most awkward silence mankind has ever known.

The scientist/doctor was the first to speak.

"Y-you weren't supposed to wake up till Friday!"

I frowned, confused. But wasn't today Friday? Maybe I've been unconscious for a while. If this was a new week, then, "What day is it?"

Inuyasha, still a bit frazzled thanks to me and my outburst, tried to look hip and hop and coolie cool and pimped up and such and such (sorry for trying to make him sound as nerdy as possible), and held his head high. "It's Tuesday."

Whoa.

"No, don't answer her," the scientist/doctor cut in sharply, though somewhat a little late. "We haven't been given clearance! We can't speak to her until _after_ interrogation."

"Interrogation?" I said, feeling like someone was pointing an accusing finger at me. "What, am I being arrested?"

"N—I mean—Y—Stop asking questions!" The scientist/doctor held his wrinkled forehead, messing up his hair. He must've had migraines, because he, while grumbling incoherently, walked over to a nearby counter and pulled out some sort of prescribed medications from his white lab coat… or his white dress. I couldn't tell.

While he was pouring water for himself, I tried to remain calm; which was an easy thing to say when I was in the presence of someone I had detested for a year without an actual, proper meeting. Inuyasha. I needed to think things over while I ignored the Halfling. Let's see—I was in some private hospital room with a superhero and a guy I couldn't label because I didn't know whether he was my doctor or a mad scientist (not good). I was dressed in a weird paper-like dress and I didn't know where my car keys were. If I had been here for five days, was my car still in the parking lot in front of the mall? What about my clothes? What about…

My camera!

"What happened to my trench coat?" I asked. I figured it was better not to mention my camera in front of a superhero. I knew how much they disliked photos.

"All your personal belongings have been confiscated. That's all you need to know." Inuyasha, that mutt, answered. He gave a challenging glare when the scientist/doctor whirled around from the counter, probably planning on berating the superhero again, before the door to the room open. Actually, the door sort of slid open with a single mechanical click, like in those sci-fi shows where the futuristic spaceships have those sliding doors, sort of like those Asian screen doors except the futuristic ones open for you because you're too lazy to open it yourself. To put it simply, it was like the doors in front of grocery stores, except much cooler.

Behind the door was the soccer mom! (Please insert that dramatic music in soap operas when the main heroin tells her dad's best bud's sister's boyfriend that she's pregnant with his baby.) Dun, dun, DUN!

"So," the woman said with the softest voice I had ever heard, "you're all getting acquainted, I presume?"

"Mistress!" The scientist/doctor dude cried, straightened up and dropped what he was doing—no really, he dropped his cup of water and migraine pills on the floor—then sort of half saluted, half bowed and went so low he looked like he was going to get on his knees. The Halfling was, sadly, more dignified than the bumbling doc and stood his ground. I sat on my clean white bed and sheets and opted to stay quiet and look pretty.

"Please don't," she said with an almost dismissive look on her porcelain face. "I prefer you don't kowtow." I noticed then that she was inconspicuously caressing her side, where the bullet went through if I remembered right.

"Of course not Miss—MY LIEGE!" The SD dude (I got sick of calling him scientist/doctor) practically crumpled to the floor and planted his palms and face on the floor like a desperate housewife. No pun intended… or was there a pun?

The reason the SD dude suddenly fell became obvious when I looked behind the soccer mom. Outside the door stood the most magnificent figure I had ever seen. Words could not describe him. He was like the sun: His body emitted this warm sensation that radiated in the room, and I felt like I had to squint if I wanted to take a good long look at him. He wasn't ugly either.

Speaking of the sun… was it getting hot in here?

"She's awoken," he said incredulously. His voice seemed to echo in the room, as if he had the power to speak to the mountains. Whatever that means…

The soccer mom smiled. "I did not foresee this, so it was to be expected. Tell me," She tried to come to the side of my bed with a slight limp in her otherwise soft steps. However, she lost her strength halfway and nearly collapsed had it not been for Inuyasha. That gentleman of a _BLEEP_ (oops, excuse my language) shot to her rescue and held her shoulders to help steady herself.

"Mother, you shouldn't have gotten out of bed." His voice was of the utmost concern.

My heart somewhat softened on the spot. Aw, he's a mommy's boy… how cute!

…wait.

Hold on.

…MOTHER?

I watched Inuyasha help the woman sit down on a tall stool as the man outside the room watched with an unreadable face, refusing to step into the room. The SD dude, meanwhile, stayed on the floor with his humble kowtow. The room was getting really, really hot.

I did the math. I saved a lady. Lady's apparently famous. Her son's a superhero. The superhero has legendary superhero mummy and super villain daddy. In conclusion: I had unwittingly, unknowingly, and blunderingly saved… **Inuyasha's MOM?**

…man, the room's really hot.

"Now," the woman spoke as if nothing had happened. "Could I ask you a question?" She was looking at me. She was asking me a question. Izayoi, the seer, was asking _me_, the paparazzo, something.

My mouth squeezed shut. The room was too hot. The eyes… Inuyasha's eyes were too bright. Izayoi's eyes were too warm. And outside the door… there stood Inuyasha's daddy. Mommy and daddy dearest…

"I…" I managed to say before a nauseating pain sprung from the back of my neck. My head felt like it had just exploded. So I laid back and promptly decided to faint.

Before I was completely out of it, though, I thought to myself: Gosh, I hope I don't drool in front of them.


	3. Nerd at Heart

I was disappointed. To say the least.

Growing up, the phrase "Superhero Hideout" was to me synonymous with super secret underground bases in secluded polar icecaps, or dark caves in an unknown locale with all the latest gadgets, technology, and fruit-bats. So just imagine my surprise when I finally realized I wasn't in a cool underground icecap (or a creepy bat cave). Proceed to imagine me finding out that I was actually in a super secret underground chamber…of a bank.

…a bank.

Of course, when I thought about _banks_ that tuxedoed Monopoly guy with the goofy little mustache fiddling with the silly little cane riding in his golden anniversary automobile came to mind.

Short Monopoly guy. Secret bat cave.

You can understand why I was finding it difficult picturing the two together.

-

-

-

Plain Normality

**Nerd at Heart**

-

-

-

"**_Babysitter?"_**

The pompous mongrel with the to-die-for-hair scoffed, as if he was communicating with a kindergartener. What a douche bag. "Section one, line five of page three states that you are to _accompany _me throughout my daily r—"

I tuned him out.

It had only been 15 minutes since this mutt woke me from my slumber, and this said mutt happened to be the only other person other than yours truly in this room. Like a know-it-all jerk, he had handed me the clipboard and, at the moment, was sitting on a stool by my bedside, 'patiently' waiting for me to finish reading the entire packet. All seventeen pages of it.

"Done yet?"

"Hold on…" I grumbled, trying to be as polite as possible. Then again, how the heck was I supposed to be polite to a guy I've been holding a grudge against for more than a good year? He was an egotistical player that was into younger gals. So into them that he'd leave a poor 20-year old to limp home while he tended to the young and the restless. Or was he just a preadolescent demonic teenager going through an undeveloped midlife crisis?

If that was true, then I'd be forced to admit a kinship: He and I were missing our youthful days.

And if THAT was true, I'd have to accept his behaviors…

"You done yet?"

"I'm still reading…"

"When are you going to finish?" He said, aggravated.

I was getting mighty pissed. "I'm DONE, OK?" I threw the stupid clipboard onto his lap and crossed my arms, trying to stop myself from wringing his insignificant little neck.

That is, until he threw the clipboard back at me. On my forehead.

"OW!" I screamed. "What was THAT for?"

"You're not the only one who can act and whine like a baby." His smirk made my blood boil. And I mean _boil_.

"I was NOT—oh for the—yeah, you know what? I admit it. You **are** a baby."

"What? I couldn't hear through your stutters."

"I **said**—"

"What? Still can't here you!" he held his hand up to his ear and leaned in like a grandma. "What'd you say, Honey Bun?"

"SCREW YOU!" I screeched. He shot back with the most annoying pair of laughing eyes I'd ever seen.

"Oh, well please do!"

"Am I interrupting something?"

Inuyasha shot to his feet and turned around as I shut my mouth and stared wide-eyed at the doorway. It was the soccer mom, AKA, Izayoi… Looking as magnificent as ever, this time robed in a violet silken ensemble, glowing like cherry blossoms under the moonlit sky… and moving away from the unexpected philosophical description…

"I see that the two of you are getting along."

I said nothing. He said nothing. We said nothing.

"Well, Kagome," she looked me directly in the eyes, nearly stopping my heart. "May I call you Kagome?"

I nodded furiously.

"Have you finished reading the contract?"

I nodded furiously. Wait… **contract?**

"Then I suppose I should go see my husband off—"

"He's leaving again," Inuyasha, surprisingly, cut her off, "and he'll be coming back in due time, right?"

"Dear," she sighed. "He has a lot to do. The UN's been calling for him ever since Sector 42-K's _incident_."

"Sure." Inuyasha looked mad. Or sad. I couldn't tell. But when he sat down and turned away from his mother's gaze, I saw that he was slightly pouting. Can you say daddy issues?

Izayoi paused as gracefully as possible and faced me with two unwavering eyes. "Kagome, why don't I repeat the contractual agreement just in case you missed one of the terms?"

Terms?

She cleared her throat as Inuyasha rolled his stupid eyes. She was very professional, as she said, "Due to your classification as a civilian we were forced to legalize the current, or now the past, laws of this base of operations. However, because you have risked your life to save an officer's life in the line of action, you are hereby permitted to enter this territory under the full supervision of every officer on duty." She stopped and waited for my reaction.

"…oh…"

She continued to say, "Because of this, through an officer's personal request, you are now arranged to monitor the actions of one of the inactive deputy officers in order to grade his availability in the associating ranks and also to observe his current participation status."

"…"

Izayoi smiled; a kind and gentle smile that was not at all like her son's. "It means you have to follow Inuyasha and see if he's ready for action again."

"For the last time," Inuyasha intervened before I could, though still refusing to face his mother, "I don't _need_ this!"

"If you didn't run off and leave your mother crying for the last 5 months, then yes, I'd have to wholeheartedly agree with that."

Buuuuuurrrn. That totally shut him up.

"And Kagome," she said my name (I still couldn't get over that fact that she was calling me by my first name like an old school chum). "I know it sounds like we're forcing you into this. But because you are still classified as a Civilian on local records… and because this way you'll be given the freedom to leave this room… I thought you would appreciate the terms of this arrangement."

So if I didn't agree, I was stuck in this room till who-knows-when. Well, how considerate of her. I looked to Inuyasha to see how he was dealing with this. He did NOT look fine.

"Yeah," he growled at me. "You're going to have a fun time with a freak like me, right?"

And, at that moment, I thought up the best, wittiest remark I could've ever come up with in a millisecond.

"I will; for you see, I seek the freaks because, as a weirdo myself, I am on the lookout for my brethrens."

-

Half an Hour Later…

-

"Are you even trying?"

"Can it," I grumbled and fiddled with the freakish controller. Whoever thought a Hanyou would be so good at Super Smash Bros. Melee? Or with a GameCube at that?

"I totally whooped your butt with my Pikachu."

"Yeah, well, my Kirby just ate you. No, wait, that's the computer…" I peeked from the corner of my eyes. "So, when am I supposed to start this monitoring business—"

"Mewtwo just killed you."

"What?"

"Time for teams," he smirked, completely absorbed in the game. "Alright, I'll be Mario and you'll be Luigi. We'll play against level 9 Princess Peach and level 9 Princess Daisy."

"Why am I Luigi?"

"We're starting," he said and promptly started button-mashing. "Back me up!"

"I'm trying!"

"You suck!"

"Shut up, shut up!"

Moment of silence (minus the button clicks) until…

"You STILL suck!

"ARMY OF ONE, ARMY OF ONE!"

He threw down the controller when the game finished, saying, "Man, you could've told me you couldn't play!"

"Don't blame me," I glared. "I haven't played in 6 years!"

"What a grandma," he rolled his eyes. "So useless and old."

I froze, my eyes bulging. WHAT. DID. HE. SAY?

"Hey!" he yelled when I leaned over and grabbed one of his forelocks. "Let go, wench!" he turned and raised his fisted hand, ready to knock my two front teeth out.

I flinched and immediately backed away on the bed (yes, I was still in the same room).

He smirked, fist still raised. "What, you know I can't hit you."

"I don't trust you." It was a fact. I stayed on the bed on all fours, cautiously eyeing Inuyasha's knuckles before turning to his mocking face.

"You're such a loser," he said.

"I'm a pacifist."

"You're a coward!"

"I'm avoiding a fight!"

"You're avoiding pain!"

I paused. "Touché. But you're a total nerd for being such a gamer."

"I'm too muscular to be a nerd."

"Then you must be one of the fabled creatures of mankind. A muscular nerd," I mused, thoughtfully placing a finger on my chin.

"A muscular nerd?" He sounded genuinely amused. Not that I liked it or anything—just putting it out there, you know.

I continued, pretending I didn't hear him. "So you're the super-nerd, the ultimate nerd made up of lesser nerds. A bionic nerd, if you will."

Another moment of silence.

And as two stereotypical white lab-coat scientists walked around the corner, one of them heard a faint scream of sheer unimaginable terror. The two men sauntered on until they saw an Asian 21-year old in a patient's outfit, screaming, "He's going to killllllllllll meeeeeeeee!" and as she zoomed past them, there on her tail they saw the inactive deputy officer, the Halfling, trailing after her, yelling, "Who's the bionic nerd now, FREAK!"

The two scientists watched the girl and the boy race away in silence, that is, until one of them turned to the other and said, "Didn't we tell him NOT to do that anymore?"

-

-

-

"Nazuna?"

Miroku spoke into his intercom for the fifth time. There was no response. Sighing, he opted to go and visit the woman fact-to-face. Not that, as it turned out, would do any good.

"My, my," Miroku held his forehead as he examined the secretary's table. It was uncharacteristically messy with scattered notes and packages. The leather chair was lying on its back, the wheels still spinning. It seemed like there had been a struggle just minutes before.

The day his best paparazzo was absent, his personal secretary decides to go missing.

Looking at his watch, he slowly moved to the fire alarm pull box. It was a little red box with the white words, Open then Pull Down Hook. Eyes still glued to his brand name watch, he casually pushed the red square in the middle of the box, opened the case, and then roughly pulled down the hook.

-

-

-

"Fire?"

Inuyasha sniffed his can of soup. "Yeah, there's been a fire in Sector 72. Got nothing to do with us, though. This is gross." He dumped his spoon into his cold lunch.

I frowned. "How can you be so careless? Aren't you a superhero?"

"It's a small fire. Give the firefighters some credit; they'll contain it. And they might even save some people."

We were in the nearly empty cafeteria now, eating our depressingly unsatisfying meals. This was supposedly underneath a bank, so I couldn't blame them. Still, alphabet soups couldn't be this chunky, right?

"There's a chicken bone in my tomato soup…" Inuyasha muttered.

"Why aren't you working?"

He looked up from his bone-filled soup and gave me a glare that reminded me of eagle eyes. "I don't work."

"No, I mean why aren't you acting like a hero?"

"I'm not the kind that wears capes, latex gloves and underwear that fits outside colorful tights."

"So, wait," I closed my eyes, trying to paraphrase his interesting answer. "You don't like saving people, but you're fine beating up the bad guys?" I said, remembering my first meeting with this heroic Halfling. He sure did look like he enjoyed fighting more than rescuing. Which reminded me; did he know I was the 20 year old he had ignored over a year ago?

Inuyasha spared a measly glance before concentrating on his soup again. "Wow, you understood me. Congratulations."

"Is this because you have a heroin for a mother and a villain for a—"

"Shut up, slut."

I didn't respond. If he had called me that an hour earlier, I might have gouged his eyes out. But by then I had figured out something he probably didn't share with a lot of people: He was disgusted with his parents.

"You know," I said, cleverly acting as if I hadn't been paying attention. "If you do a good deed they'll think you're in tiptop shape."

"Didn't you hear me?" he demanded. "I said SHUT UP."

I sighed. How can a demon be this thickheaded? Weren't they supposed to be naturally smarter than Homo sapiens? "If you save those people in the fire you might not need anyone to monitor you anymore."

"I don't _do _saving."

"What? Oh stop being so selfish!" I groaned. "Do you really want me hanging around you all the time?"

"No!"

"Then do something heroic so I can be on my way!" I slammed my two hands down on the sticky tabletop, feeling exhausted and defeated. That was when, I think, he lost it. With more ferocity than a trained pit bull, he stood up with his hands on the table, menacingly leaning over me with two blazing eyes. I stared, unable to do anything but gawk.

And gawk…

"You think you know everything just because you did some _research_?" he sneered. "You think you know who I am better than any old stalker, right?"

I frowned. "W-what do you—"

He pocketed his hand and dug out something that made me cringe, wince, and gasp all at once. He held the object daintily between his thumb and index finger, mockingly dangling the item like catnip over a feline.

"Look familiar?" his voice was insidiously mirthful. "Miss Paparazzo?"

It was my spare film.

"Where did you…?" I couldn't quite finish my question. There was no excuse to bail me out of this one. The films I used were specifically for big traveling lenses, commonly used by paparazzi and uncommon for anyone else. Just think; paparazzo Kagome found by camera-hating superhero Halfling, right in his HQ no less! I. Was. Finished.

"If I hadn't picked this out of your pocket my dear pappy would've kicked you to the curb. And if that had happened, the bad guys after my mother dearest would've come after you for interfering with their assassination plot," he smirked his toothy smirk. "What now, stalker?"

I uncomfortably shifted in my seat, under the scrutiny of his sharp judgmental eyes. "Ah…that's…that's not mine." (Insert shifty eyes.)

He laughed, cruelly so. "Now, now," he coolly came to my side of the table and stood behind me, wrapping one arm around my neck, intentionally flaunting the film next to my ear, "you don't have to play so dumb. You're totally busted." He rested his chin on my other shoulder. Can you say _uncomfortably close_?

I was busted. There was nothing I could do.

"Now, if you do everything I tell you to," he continued to say, "I might not have to report you."

Crud.

"You got that, Miss Paparazzo?" Stupid Inuyasha with his stupid smirk and his stupid superiority complex. Stupid Halfling. Stupid superhero. Stupid gamer…

"Stupid nerd."

-

-

-

**AN**: And because bloopers and outtakes are no longer allowed on ff dot net…Snowgirl presents: **Miroku's Perspective!**

Miroku looks around, confused. "Wait, this wasn't in the contract…"

Snowgirl blows bubbles out of her toy smoking pipe, for a real authoress must have one in order to be socially accepted. "You do this for me boy, and I guarantee you there's going to be a slanderous picture of Sango in your mailbox by the end of the day."

"Deal."

From somewhere far, far away, someone made a noise of maddening horror.

(5 minutes later.)

Miroku speaks, reading off a crinkled paper. "Even though most of us may seem irresistibly graceful in the finished product, some more than others, we are in the end gullible, obtuse, and brainless as all of you readers. Here are some bloo—"

Omniscient voice says, "_THAT'S SCRATCHED OUT! SKIP IT! SKIP IT!"_

"…" Miroku clears his throat. "Uh, yeah. Anyway, here are some—" he stares at the paper, confused. "—Faux pas?"

-

-

-

_Chapter One; Scene One_

Miroku starts off, saying, "A little blurry, don't you think?"

(Kagome's POV.) _I sighed. I didn't even like cameras. Whenever I tried taking pictures my hands start shaking like I was having seizure and I'd lose my balance. It was my clumsiness at work._

Miroku pauses. Then he shuffles under his desk for his lines. Moments later he comes back up to say, "Is this the best picture you have?"

(Kagome pauses) _Uh…I nodded meekly. Even to this day I remember cowering under his unholy gaze. It was unnerving to say the least._

_The man took off his Armani glasses and gently rested the frames on the slick mahogany desktop. He pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, as if concentrating on a serious matter. Or maybe he was picturing me naked._

Miroku unexpectedly interrupts the flow of the story and stands up, holding a weird contraption. "One thing I've learned from Sam Fisher is the crafty use of high-tech super X-ray goggles!"

Kagome hurriedly covers her chest as he begins to strap the goggles to his eyes. "EEK! PERVERT!"

-

Miroku scratches his head. "Uh…yeah, well, I was playing Splinter Cell earlier that day and I just couldn't resist the temptation… wait a minute, this is a confessional isn't it?"

-

_Chapter One; Scene Two _

(Kagome's POV) _I froze and witnessed an ongoing struggle. A pretty brunette, probably a high school cheerleader, was being assaulted by two huge brutes. They had shabby hats and scruffy coats on; they resembled hobos… but what kind of hobo wielded gold-handled machetes? _

_So I did the first thing I could think of. _

_I shot back the way I came and ran for the main road. _

"MURDER!" _I yelled. _"BLOODY MURDER! ASSAULT! RAPE! RAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Miroku comes to the side of the open manhole, panicking. "Aw lord! Kagome! Kagome, don't breathe in! The sewers have toxic fumes! And don't forget about the alligators!"

-

Kagome glares. "Honestly, who leaves manhole covers in supermarket bathrooms? I STILL smell like the sewers."

-

_Chapter One; Scene Three _

"You okay?"

(Kagome's POV) _I looked behind me and saw this Inuyasha guy kneel in front of the teenager. She blushed and gleefully nodded. I saw her pull up her skirt, ever so slightly._

Hussy_, I thought. I knew better than to speak out loud around demons after that incident. But what really bugged me was how the 'hero' had past me. He ignored me as if I was a sac of potato and strolled right over to the teen. _

_I couldn't believe his arrogance. I was a victim too!_

All of a sudden, Inuyasha snaps around and stares at 'Kagome'.

"**_Kikyou?"_**

Kagome…or Kikyou…freezes. And blinks. "Huh. I didn't think you'd be the first to notice."

Inuyasha steps back, hurt. "W-what?"

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Kikyou clears her throat. "Well, Kagome said she needed a bathroom break so she asked me to take her place. I figured no one would notice…"

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Miroku snorts, holding a laugh. Trying to be as impassive as possible, he reads from his paper, "I think I can say with all the readers' support that **Miroku's Perspective **is going to be a hit. Isn't that right, ladies? And, uh, gentlemen?"

Snowgirl comes in, still blowing bubbles from her toy smoking pipe. "Now review and tell me if you actually want more of **Miroku's Perspective!** Or I may have to stop in fear of rejection. So sad."

Review!


	4. Dog Mouth's Kissy Face

For a super-duper-heroic superhero, Inuyasha sure was boring.

Three days and nothing whatsoever. Three days since I had been forced to confess in the conveniently empty cafeteria that I was indeed, as Inuyasha had said, a paparazzo. Three days passed with no word from Inuyasha. Three days void of any kind of human contact. Three days of wondering when I'd be freed into the outside world.

Inuyasha, as I began to suspect in one of my now routinely bland day-dreaming, was a pushover.

He blackmailed me with my spare film and left. Just like that; he pocketed the film, the only evidence of my crime, and left me in the cafeteria. Three days and I had yet to hear what he had in store for me. And, I repeat, I was beginning to suspect that this superhero was a pushover. I mean, if _I_ had something to blackmail someone with I'd first calculate how to manipulate the situation to my every whim and then totally slam the evidence on my victim's face.

Inuyasha had done nothing of the sort. He had blackmailed me on the spur of the moment. No plan, no motive…

Now that I look back on it, it seemed like he had simply lost his temper. I was sure he was about to strike me down. Instead, all he did was strike me down…with guilt. Sort of a, "See this? Huh? I have something over your head! Now shut up!" Like a rolled-up newspaper, it was to intimidate the dog. Irony comes in many forms.

This place, this secret underground hideaway under this so-called bank, was turning out to be a bigger disappointment than I could've ever imagined.

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Plain Normality

**Dog Mouth's Kissy Face**

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What made Inuyasha likeable?

No, really, that's my question. I know certain, _special_ people found him attractive. Some found him absolutely adorable, while others found him just plain sexy. But I was still trying to mull over the fact that a lot of people found him…very likeable.

For three days now, I've been trying to figure out what people saw in him. Even before I had personally met him, he seemed less interesting than the least known celebrities. After my first encounter with the Halfling, all I could see in him was this rotten core, dominated by a shallow kid from the most violent of elementary schools. It was disturbing.

It couldn't be the personality that made him popular to the public. The papers could barely come up with anything about his background, the tabloids rarely found any pictures or quotes to exploit, and the news was never fast enough to squeeze a short interview out of him.

So was it his appearance?

Was it his rugged, good looks? His natural beauty? The wild, tousled hair? His boyish features or maybe his demonic attributes?

…whatever the case, I wasn't seeing it. Or I wasn't letting myself see any of it.

Better to fly solo than ride in a crowded bandwagon, right?

I slouched in my seat, exhausted. The downside of being locked up in a maximum security underground HQ of a superhero was there couldn't be any windows. Windows made easy targets. Plus there was the whole underground thing, but I digress. The main point is there was no sunlight. So I couldn't tell whether it was sunup or sundown. To sleep or not to sleep, that is the question.

And the clocks didn't make much sense either. Quarter past 1100 hours? What could that _possibly_ mean?

Here I sat in front of the few open computers available for a civilian like me, wondering if I should just go back to my constantly lit room and try to go to bed. Best part of being a grownup was you get to **decide** when to go to sleep. Everything else that came with being a grownup, well, to sum it up as follows: It sucked.

I stood up and stretched my back. I would've walked around to do some exercise, but most of the places were restricted for a civilian for me. Even though I was supposed to follow Inuyasha and monitor his every move, I couldn't very well annoy him since he had the film and all.

Oh. Speaking of the devil…

"You're looking lovely this evening," Inuyasha sneered as he sat down in my computer seat, pretty much brushing me off.

"Hey," I frowned. "I was sitting there."

"You weren't when I came in."

"I was stretching."

"Too bad."

My left eye involuntarily twitched; something that started three nights ago. "For a superhero you're very rude."

And out came the blackmail. Inuyasha promptly presented the film out of his pocket and waved it around, haughtily too. "Uh, uh, uh. Better take that back."

Something devilish, deviously sinister flashed past my baggy eyes. Maybe it was my sleep-deprived state, or maybe I hated Inuyasha that much; whatever it was, his last words twisted in my head and I made the spontaneous decision to follow his command.

"Oh I'll take it back!" I said and hastily jumped him, greedily snatching for the film. Sad to say, Inuyasha was a little too fast for little ole me. He shoved me away and moved his arm back, pulling the film out of my reach. He jumped out of his seat like his pants was on fire and with the nimbleness of a cat crouched on the floor.

"You're so slow you make turtles look like rabbits!"

I groaned, pulling my hair. "You are SUCH a jerk! I don't get why you have fan-girls!"

He grinned. "Well, I **am **too sexy for my shirt."

"You jerk! You're, like, 200 years old and you go around picking up high school girls whenever they're the damsels-in-distress!"

"Pfft," he scoffed. "And you should know, right? A paparazzo needs to make a lot of crap up to get paid, after all."

"I SAW you picking up a high school girl!"

"And I saw your MOM kissing Santa Claus!"

I glared, astonished. What an immature, pompous LOSER! "One year ago, you saved a high school cheerleader in an alleyway from two men wielding machetes. It was Sunday, near a supermarket."

Inuyasha didn't react. He just stared.

"Well, idiot, I happened to be there too! I was the one in the trench coat who had to LIMP all the way home because of you! Oh, which reminds me; did you have a nice time with the _hussy_? I mean, I saw her pull her skirt up JUST—FOR—YOU before I left!" I jeered, completely losing my marbles. "Do you do that every Sunday or did you happen to be lonely?"

"You little slut," he snarled. "Didn't we go over this? How you're the stupid little paparazzo who just goes on assuming she knows everything?"

"Well maybe I am, but this stupid little paparazzo doesn't appreciate the fact that she was ignored like trash!"

I REALLLLLLY shouldn't have said that.

Inuyasha threw the film on the table and sat back down, as if he had simply given up. Of course, when I saw the film unguarded on the tabletop I became a little distracted. My hands quickly slithered to the film faster than the blink of an eye.

But Inuyasha was faster.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me down, right on his lap. "Wha—" I managed to say before Inuyasha forced me around to face him. He snaked his arm around my shoulder, almost cradling me like a baby as his other hand found my chin. He leaned down, glaring with cold, deadly eyes. I could only stare, confused and, admittedly, terrified. I was on his freakin' lap, for crying out loud!

"Do you like the attention _now_?" He made sure he emphasized his last word. He shortened the gap between my face and his, tickling my nose with his warm breath. My heartbeat rang in my ears. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. I opened my mouth, struggling to speak as I watched his face come ever closer.

Finally, I managed to say, barely above a whisper, "No."

"Sir?"

I thought Inuyasha would let me go when we heard the third voice, but all it did was tighten Inuyasha's grip even more. I looked up (after I parted his breathtaking but messy hair apart) and saw that it was the same SD from three days ago.

"Uhh…what are you two doing?" He said, adjusting his glasses as he stared at us.

I opened my mouth. And then closed it.

But Inuyasha, the dramatic idiot, suddenly wrapped both his arms around my shoulders and brought me closer to his chest, romantically declaring, "I'm confessing my love to this revolting woman, can't you tell?"

Confessing his love? Revolting woman? (Insert one second delayed reaction.) "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"Oh, that's good," the SD man said after a climactic pause. "You're going to have to be in love for where you're going."

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"A mission?"

Izayoi laughed, something she hadn't done in a long time. "Yes. I thought those two could use a break."

The old woman Izayoi was talking to relaxed and leaned back on her chair, quietly sipping her decaf before saying, "You're very sneaky when it comes to your son."

"And you're very sociable for a scientist."

She shrugged. "You have to be to stay sane in this place. Now, about this mission…"

The soccer mom sighed, a dreamy smile touching her lips. "I made sure those two were put in the securest of transportations. I even brought in one of the top officers for this little undertaking."

"But if something was to go wrong?"

"My son is very strong," her smile grew larger. "In the end I'm sure he'll come back with his head on his shoulders. And I'll finally have a daughter-in-law," she tapped her chin. "And maybe some grandchildren."

"As long as something's getting accomplished."

Izayoi paused. "Well, they won't be directly involved in anything. But their actions will start a chain reaction. Everything else, I'm afraid, is classified," she slowly stood up. "It was nice talking to you, Kaede."

"As always, Miss."

Izayoi slowly walked out of the cafeteria, gracefully as always.

Kaede knew something was amiss, the moment Izayoi was out of sight. There was a forced sense of hope about her. This was because the soccer mom had seen her fate, and she knew Kaede was the last person she would see.

At least for a while.

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"A mission?"

"That's right," the SD dude said as he took out a clipboard. "The FBI asked us to send a couple posing as newlyweds to China. They were short on females, and it was also out of their jurisdiction."

"China?" Inuyasha said, finally loosening his grip. I took the chance to get off his disturbingly comfortable lap, also making a beeline for the film. SUCCESS, I thought as I pocketed the spare film before the SD man noticed.

He didn't notice a thing. "Yes, to a recently constructed resort in Shanghai, China. It was heavily funded by several Hong Kong Triads bosses, which obviously raised the authorities' suspicions. However, every single investigation ended in a failure because all their undercover agents, whatever they posed as, disappeared after one week. The Hong Kong Triads have been also linked to several demons, which may explain why the bodies of the agents were never found. Twelve agents have disappeared thus far."

"So they needed a superhero to combat the villains." Inuyasha smirked.

"Well, yes; that and they wanted a couple to infiltrate this time. Every agent they sent were sent individually, which may have been a factor in each of their downfall. As I've explained, the FBI was short on female agents, so…"

The two men looked at me. I blinked.

"But, wait, I'm a civilian!"

"Which makes it all the better. With your current status no one will think you're associated with the FBI…or us, for that matter. It's also very convenient, since you are supposed to monitor Inuyasha and all."

I crossed my arms. "But Inuyasha…they'll immediately recognize him."

"This is why we should talk in the briefing room. Come."

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"You can't smoke here!"

The man with the cigarette turned to his companion. From afar both men looked identical. Both wore a black outfit and shared a similar, slick black hairdo.

"The man's three hours late. We deserve a break."

His companion sighed. "Man, don't be like that. You know the guy coming used to be an ex-super-villain, right?"

"Whatever. It's just the UN."

The most sensible one sighed, defeated. The two continued to wait for twenty more minutes, impatiently tapping their foot as they occasionally walked around inside the desolate airport, until one of the security officers ran up to them, holding a document in one gloved hand.

"There's been an attack!"

The two suited men turned.

"A jet's been shot down!"

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I stared. It was awfully pretty for a jewel; but awfully ugly for a necklace.

"Shikon no Tama. Literally translated as—"

"Four soul's ball." Inuyasha and I said in unison.

The scientist blinked. "Oh. Really? The documents called it the Jewel of Four Souls."

Close enough.

"Well, whatever it's called, it's a mystical jewel that can grant any demon, or any corrupt human, their wishes. This can be used to amplify a source of power and energy, or dumb it down as to hide the wearer's aura. This can be used to turn you into a complete human, Inuyasha, as long as you wear it."

"But," Inuyasha's eyes suddenly grew dark, "if I were to use it to become a complete demon…"

"If you want to go crazy, then yes, you can," the SD man quickly interrupted. "Your father's great demon blood will be too much for your natural born body to handle, and it will eventually crumble. Along with your mind, in fact. You'll not only destroy everything around you, but also your soul in the long run."

I puckered my lips. Now that can't be good.

"Anyhow, both of you will be undercover with the disguise we give you. You will also be accompanied by one of our top officers. Inuyasha, I think you've met her once before."

I turned to see a pretty girl, 16 or 17, wordlessly walk in through the oak door, almost silently as a ninja. She wore a high ponytail with pink mascara over her ruby eyes. The girl looked very mature, as she was clothed in a professional business suit.

"Sango Mizuno, was it now? Yes, she assisted you in capturing Yura of the Hair by her codename, Mistress Exterminator, remember Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha cursed, though very quietly. I turned to see the girl's reaction. She had a smug look on her face.

"Well, Miss Mizuno here was also responsible for retrieving the Jewel of Four Souls."

"It was an heirloom." Her voice was mellowed and womanly, something I instantly envied.

"She will be posing as your best friend from college, Kagome, as Satsuki Morita. She will be staying in a separate hotel, four blocks away from the resort the newlyweds will be staying at. Their names will be," he paused, "Kazumi and Isamu Yamaguchi, wife and husband respectively."

Yamaguchi Kazumi. Hmm, at least they gave us realistic Japanese names.

"And just in case it should come up, Kazumi's maiden name is Hayashi," the SD man held out the necklace. "Isamu, I believe this is yours."

I watched the exchange take place, feeling disheartened. The exchange seemed to finalize the fact that I was actually accepting the mission, for wherever Inuyasha went, I followed. My only ticket out of here was an _accurate _report of Inuyasha doing anything heroic, and I had the feeling he wasn't planning on doing anything of the sort.

I could just make up a report… but they'd probably find out. (I mean, it _was_ a top secret underground HQ.)

On the bright side, I would be constantly bugging him along the way, and, since I had snatched the film, he couldn't blackmail me. Still, he knew I was a paparazzo. I had to be more cautious from now on.

"You two will be staying in the newlywed suite for 4 weeks."

"Four weeks?" Inuyasha said as he slipped the necklace around his neck. "That's some honeymoon."

"It's not uncommon. You two are also on vacation from your respective jobs, so you're taking advantage of the time."

"What about their ages?" Sango, or Satsuki, asked.

The SD man blinked. "Oh, well, you see, most of us were biased in that Asian women adorned their teenage facial features late into adulthood. But if that's a problem, we can call this an arranged marriage establishing a merger between the two respective companies."

"That may have to do," Inuyasha said and looked around when he realized the three of us were staring at him. "What?"

I watched his hair suddenly darken from silver to grey, and finally into midnight black. His pupils seemed to swirl and mix with an unknown hue until his eyes were violet, almost like his mother's. His claws, as I noticed his hands on the armrests, retracted to form human nails. It was a transformation that took less than five seconds. Only five seconds from Halfling to Isamu Yamaguchi.

Amazing.

"Wow," Inuyasha said when he saw his reflection on the glass table. "That was short."

"I suppose you of all people should be surprised," the SD man said, trying to restore his composure. "This happens to you once a month, doesn't it? Well, now that you have the jewel you can decide when to turn into a human and vice versa."

"Is it possible to decide when _not _to turn into a human?"

"Yes, as long as you have the jewel on."

"Awesome."

"Indeed," the man adjusted his glasses. "Well, I think you should get going. Your flight is in 2 hours, and the limousine is waiting two blocks away. We have already packed your necessary outfits and included an envelope with undisclosed amount of cash in each of your suitcase, just in case something unexpected was to arise. Satsuki Morita will board a later flight to throw off suspicion."

I looked to Inuyasha. I guess I should say I was looking at my new husband, Isamu Yamaguchi.

"You are going to China to enjoy the honeymoon. You will not be doing any snooping or spying. Nothing suspicious. Be…realistically **involved**, for lack of better words. Report whatever you've gathered at the end of the month. Don't try and contact us—don't try to contact the authorities, unless it's a street crime, such as a mugging. Your only link to us is Satsuki Morita. In this mission the only way to fail is by failing to report at the end of the month."

"Come back alive to succeed," Inuyasha smirked. "Right?"

Right.

Come back after a month playing newlywed in a resort?

Come back after a month in a place 12 agents have already disappeared in?

Come back after a month of honeymooning with Inuyasha as my darling husband?

Right.

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**AN: Miroku's Perspective!**

Miroku steps in. "Where was I in this chapter? My dear Sango made an appearance and _I_ couldn't come in? For shame!"

Omniscient voice says, "_FOR THE LOVE OF—JUST_ _FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!"_

Miroku sighs, dully saying, "And now, for an all new take on things… it's SNOWCAM Exclusive! The hidden camera reveals how the actors are like behind the scenes! Footages never shown to the public until **now**!"

Miroku's Perspective presents: SNOWCAM Exclusive!

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_Cafeteria_

The hidden camera is placed behind a stack of old crispy donuts, covered in fake vanilla coating.

Inuyasha comes in with Kouga and Miroku in tow.

"—and THAT'S why apple pies are the key to a successful life," Miroku concludes with a finger wisely pointed in the air.

"That's bull and you know it," Inuyasha says with a foreign air about him. "You don't really believe in that BS, do you?"

Kouga sits down on one of the seats, stretching his legs far apart. "Dude, all this talk about success's making me hungry."

"I'll take you two on a bet, then." Miroku smiles, almost identical to the Cheshire Cat's.

Kouga and Inuyasha exchanges a quick glance before saying at the same time, "Go on."

-

Miroku grins. "Notice how I am wearing a casual pair of slacks with a fashionably unbuttoned shirt, nicely widening the neckline? Look to Inuyasha and notice his loose trousers pulled all the way down to the bottom of his buttocks, carefully revealing his blue boxers that are cleverly covered by his large sweatshirt? Now examine Kouga's trademark tank top with his equally loose—"

Omniscient voice says, "_SHUT UP!"_

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_Park_

The hidden camera is secured in a tree standing at the bottom of a hill. At the top, we can see the three men talking and clearly make out their conversation.

"That's a steep hill." Kouga blows a low whistle, somewhat impressed.

"So you want all three of us to travel down this steep blacktop…on this?" Inuyasha points incredulously to the broken down family couch behind them. "You're kidding, right?"

"What, are you chickening out?" Miroku grinned. "That's a first. Or is it?"

Kouga smacks Inuyasha on the back with a knowing smirk. "That's my little puppy, all scared and helpless."

"Dingo!"

After some arguments the three agree to sit in this order: Miroku on the left, Kouga in the center, and Inuyasha on the right.

"Alright!" Miroku yells. "When I say go we all push off the ground and lean forward. Got it?"

"Yeah!" Kouga and Inuyasha yell back.

After a short pause…

"GO!"

All three push their feet off the ground and lean forward. The moment they did so the couch starts sliding, already wobbling at the edge of the hill. As the three weights shift forward the couch finally loses balance and slides down the hill, carrying the three men like a rollercoaster ride. As each second pass it gains even more momentum; something none of them had expected.

The couch slides all the way down like a falling sack of potato until it reaches the bottom. By then the three men knew something bad was going to happen, and Kouga looks like he's going to jump off. Problem was he was in-between two not-so-skinny people.

The couch hits the curb at nearly 40 mph and flips over, launching the three men into orbit. Miroku blasts off like a rocket and, since he had tucked into a ball, rolls off to the side. Kouga, in an awkward position since he had attempted to jump off, is sent to the right like he had jumped off a trampoline, eating dirt. Inuyasha's fall was cushioned thanks to Kouga, as he falls right on top of Kouga before coming to a stop in front of the tree.

"Man," Inuyasha says as Kouga and Miroku writhe in pain on the dirt. "Let's do that again!"

-

Miroku pause the camera and rewinds. "As you see me tumble off the couch, notice that I am, being the only one aware of the camera, mouthing something before majestically flying into the air…" he gets to the spot on the screen and pause the camera. "See that? See me mouth something? That is me asking Sango to bear my child before I roll away like tumbleweed. Now Inuyasha here…yes, he's having a great time riding on Kouga's back like he was his toboggan. A great view of his eyes bulging out. OK, now, for Kouga. He dives right into the dirt like he was reaching for home base, right? Well as he fell off I noticed something. Look…" he points to the screen. "He's wearing briefs! Now we know… and as for the fall, even he must've realized he had the…cheeky view of this whole mess, no? What with Inuyasha's tush right there and all. And one more thing," Miroku turns to the camera and points to the background, somewhere off to the side of the hill. Miroku turns back with a glum look on his face, grimly saying, "That happened to be a graveyard."

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Miroku clears his throat. "Well, the graveyard was conveniently there. I just thought I should point that out."

Snowgirl comes in, blowing even bigger bubbles out of a new cherry-flavored toy smoking pipe. "All I have to say is review. Because Miroku's a recovering chocolate-addict and he needs those reviews to fund the expensive recovering process. I also need reviews because they're my life support."

"I am NOT a recovering chocolate…" he notices the table decorated with chocolate smoothies, donuts, biscuits, cookies, crackers, sandwiches, strawberries…even chocolate covered white chocolates! "Well, on second thought. But the life support bit was—" he notices the IV tube in her arm. "Oh."

-

Next Chapter—The Life of a Newlywed


	5. Surprise Wedding

**AN**: Change of plans! The chapter I promised in the last update has been moved back (to who-knows-when)! So instead of **The Life of a Newlywed**, you get…

* * *

The second guard shifted anxiously, which was rather odd. 

He should've been ecstatic, giddy even; he was currently on guard duty with a particularly beautiful female officer with the body and curves of a model in one of his secret Victorian catalogues. Yet, for some strange and unfathomable reason, he was uneasy. Yes, he didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of this gorgeous beauty, but that wasn't quite it…

Maybe it was the overlong shotgun resting on her right shoulder…

"Wah!" he yelped when she turned to face the other way, pointing the end of the weapon at his face.

Sango blinked and turned around. She examined his face and grinned, amused. "What? It's only for show, you know. It's just a pellet gun."

"W-well," he stuttered, embarrassed and annoyed, "just don't shoot me with that pellet gun."

Sango suddenly put on a serious face and straightened the weapon up to the ceiling. "I'm not gonna shoot anyone with the pellet gun… Not unless I have to!"

BAM

The gun fired prematurely, breaking a fluorescent light.

"Whoops!" Sango paused. "We should leave, that's mercury vapour."

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Plain Normality

**Surprise Wedding**

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"My name is Kaede, and I will be directing this ceremony."

I stared. For someone who had the hump rivaling the Hunchback of Notre Dame, she was pretty lively. Plus she had that pirate-eye going for her…

"We will have the wedding in one hour and a 30-minute wedding reception after that. You will then proceed into the awaiting limousine, which will take you directly to the airport. Find the time to change into your civilian clothes before boarding the plane. Now, as for the wedding—"

"Do I call my mom?" I asked, genuinely curious.

I think Inuyasha and Kaede took it as a joke. Inuyasha snorted at my ineptness and Kaede…well, she sort of played along. As in I was still Kazumi Hayashi.

"Your…_mother_, as well as your father, has already been informed, Kazumi. Isamu, your father and mother will be arriving early along with your grandfather. Most of the guests will be civilians—coworkers' families and friends. Most of them will be thinking they're attending an arranged marriage concerning a bank merge. To put it bluntly: the majority of the people attending this wedding and the reception afterwards will be completely clueless."

And during her speech I, Kagome, was thinking: Kazumi needs a cookie.

"So who's the evil genius who came up with the idea of an actual wedding?" Inuyasha grumbled. He obviously knew Kaede well enough to cut her off.

"Sango," Kaede said. "But I wouldn't say Sango's an evil genius…I'm not sure she's evil—"

"And _I'm_ not sure she's a genius," Inuyasha ended.

Kaede promptly dropped her clipboard on his head, though it looked realistically accidental. Whatever the case, it didn't matter. I always enjoy seeing Inuyasha in pain!

"As far as the guests know," Kaede continued as if nothing had interrupted her, "the security is there because you two are the rich heir and heiress to a vast empire of wealth from two very elite families that coincidentally run two separate but equally influential banks. The marriage was accepted because you two met in high school and quickly became…high school sweethearts. Or whatever you call it these days. Now, I'm going to let you two memorize what's on these sheets while I go and get the makeup artists."

Kaede handed us each a yellow paper with bunch of bullet points on it. The moment Kaede left Inuyasha snatched the sheet out of my hands and skimmed through the lines.

"Huh," Inuyasha looked up to my very annoyed face. "I just had one of those "what the hell are we doing" moments!"

"**_You_** agreed to this!" I fumed. "Really, _dear_; it's think then act, not vice versa. If I smash your head open is candy gonna pour out?"

"Wonderful!" his sarcasm knew no end. "How lovely! We haven't even started the wedding and you're ALREADY nagging me!"

I seethed. Why not fight fire with fire? "Our love is oh so VERY powerful we're already past the honeymoon phase, _sweet cheeks_. Kind of makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, **doesn't it**?"

"If you mean like how I feel about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, then yes, because it's a FANTASY!"

"You mean like your BRAIN?"

"When will the fun ever stop?" A third voice interjected just as I was ready to pounce on my beloved fiancé. Inuyasha and I turned to the doorway, coming face-to-face with a striking figure. She had deep violet, almost metallic silver eyes with matching eyeliners and ruby lips. Her sharp face immediately reminded me of a fox. She was attired in a strange outfit, something made out of tight black cloth with blood-red shoulder pads and sharp little spikes all over her neckline and handcuffs. She even had a dog collar around her slender neck.

"What the devil are you?" Notice that Inuyasha said "What" and not "Who".

"I am Kaguya, your lead makeup artist."

"Wait," I frowned. "Kaguya as in Kaguya-hime from the Japanese fairytale?"

"Who names their kid that?"

Kaguya glared. "If you don't want to look like clowns in your wedding pictures then I suggest you stop asking questions and get in front of the mirrors."

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"OK Shippou," Kaede said. "You are the ring bearer. When I wave my hand you are to slowly walk down the aisle holding this nice pillow. Once you get to that altar at the end of the aisle you wait until the man in the tuxedo take the rings off the pillow. Then you go to your right, face the people sitting on the benches, and stand quietly until two people walk each other out the room."

The exceptionally small boy with a bushy fox tail, currently holding a silk pillow that was larger than his head, looked up. "Why can't I sit down on a bench?"

"Because you're stupid," a girl his age, standing high above his head, replied. "So what do I do, Kaede-sama?"

"Souten, you're the flower girl. You'll need to throw the flowers from that basket you're holding as you walk down the aisle. You will enter the room before Shippou, so he will be following you up to the altar. Once you reach the couple you do the same thing Shippou will do," Kaede said, speaking much faster. Kaede knew Souten was a shrewd girl.

"So I can't miss a spot?"

Kaede stopped. "Oh, well, no, you don't need to cover the _entire_ floor with roses."

"Roses?" Souten looked down at the white basket she was holding and picked one of the flower petals up. Her nose immediately turned bright red and her eyes began to water faster than the blink of an eye. Ironically.

"ARGH!" Shippou stepped back. "HIDEOUS BEAST!"

"KAEDE-SAMA!" Souten wailed. "I'M ALLERGIC TO ROSES!"

_Demons can have allergies? _Kaede slammed the clipboard on her forehead.

Oy vey.

-

-

-

I held my breath. "So…tight."

Inuyasha turned his head to eye me from the corner of his eyes. "Aw you baby."

"Hey!" Kaguya screeched. "Someone close the curtains! The groom isn't supposed to see the bride before the wedding! HURRY UP!"

"Only 40 minutes left!"

"Get me the hairpiece!"

"Where are the bride's shoes?"

My head nearly made a full 360 degree turn trying to look at everyone around the room. Or half a room, now that the other half was curtained. There was a huge rack of different wedding dresses in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Hands from everywhere were trying to dress me in this tight white dress while makeup artists were trying to make me look to the right…nope, now the left. Oops, back to the right again. Yup, need more lipstick. Wow, such horrible pours, yaddi, yaddi, yadda…

"HEY!" I heard Inuyasha yell from behind the curtains. "Those are my **EARS**!"

There was an ominous moment of silence from his side of the room.

PFHUMP

"Holy crap… RUN!"

The curtains were suddenly pulled back only to reveal a steady stream of pitch black smoke. Two people dashed out with buckets in their hands, obviously heading for the nearest bathroom to fetch water, while several makeup artists were busy trying to save their tools of the trade and some of the extravagant outfits on the racks. Amidst the chaos I caught sight of something red being waved around…

Inuyasha, in question, was somewhat enjoying this whole fiasco.

"The blow dryer's on fire!" he joyfully cried before turning to me and catching my eyes. "…What?"

I said nothing.

He grinned. "Baby give us a kiss, you don't find me hot, like this?"

"You look like hell!" No, he really did. One corner of his left ear looked burnt and one side of his head was frizzled. And then, out of the blue, I began to laugh.

"Whaaaaaat?" Inuyasha growled.

And in between my tears I managed to gasp out, even though I knew the answer, "Why do I always laugh when you hurt yourself?"

-

-

-

It was when Sango was patrolling around the entrance did she first notice the car.

An Aston Martin Vanquish, known for going zero to 100 in 10 seconds flat, parked amongst the throng of Porsches, Jaguars, and Rolls-Royces. It wasn't the tasteful color or the sleek roof that had caught her off. No, it was something else. Perhaps it was her intuition, or just that gut feeling…

She ignored her Spidey Sense and took a long walk, intent on forgetting about the vehicle.

You can understand her frustration when she came back to the entrance only to, again, find herself being pulled back to that particular car. Yes, she was indeed feeling a great disturbance in the force.

Even worse; there was now a man leaning against the driver's door.

Time to step in.

"Sir," Sango started as she walked up to the stranger, "I'm afraid due to security concerns you're not allowed to idle in the parking lot. Please take out your invitation and show it to the officer by the door before entering."

The handsome specimen turned to face her. It was then that she realized he was injured.

"Sir!" she said when she saw the dried blood smeared all over his forehead. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

"No, no," he held his left hand up, "that's not necessary Miss."

She looked down to see that he was trying to look as comfortable as possible, especially by hiding his limp right arm, even though his discomfort was painfully obvious.

Sango glared. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Sir, in 2 minutes you'll be accompanying me to the security room."

"Or?"

"Either that or you'll be dealing with my backup," she continued. "Your pick."

The man sighed, albeit with a smile. "So demanding for a lady. I suppose working with Inuyasha will do that to you."

Sango froze. "Sir," she swiftly swung her weapon off her shoulder and held it upright. "Who are you?"

He blinked. "Oh, right, his name's Isamu. Sorry about that," he slowly brought his hand down to avoid alarming the officer. "I have a note in my pocket. May I pull it out?"

"No," was her first response.

"It's my pocket. I don't think I could hide a pistol in there. Now, unless you want to reach in there yourself…"

That changed her mind. Sango pointed the weapon in his face and watched with sharp eagle eyes. "If you try anything I'll be forced to shoot. You got that?"

He smiled, though he did not respond. He cautiously moved his hand into his front pocket and just as slowly pulled out a neatly folded slip of paper. "I think you'll find this very interesting…"

"Keep your hands in the air." Sango realized it was impossible for him to raise his right arm, so settled with just his left hand. She snatched the paper out of his said uninjured hand and unfolded the note. Her eyes flickered back to the man before reading the content.

Her jaw dropped.

"Well, I think we should get going," he smiled as he brought his good hand down for the second time.

"W-wait a second," Sango said, even though she brought her weapon down at the same time. "This handwriting. It's—"

"His. Yes," he stepped forward and stood to his full height. "Now can you take me to Kaede? I'm afraid this is all very new to me."

Sango grudgingly stepped back, still very confused. "This way… Sir."

"By the way, before we begin… what's your name? Your real name, I mean."

Sango blinked. He didn't _really _have to know, did he? "…it's Sango. Sango Mizuno."

"And my name is Miroku," he graciously bowed. "Miroku Nagano."

-

-

-

I looked at the mirror.

I. Looked. GOOD. Like a real bride… holy cow, it just dawned on me. I was actually getting **MARRIED**!

"OK, get the bridesmaids' dresses!" Kaguya yelled.

I turned. "Who's the maid of honor?"

"Satsuki Morita," Kazuya said. "Or Sango, whatever you're supposed to call her. Remember, you two are close buds since high school or college. It's convenient since she's also the guard, but that's another story. Hurry up!" she turned to one of her assistants. "Where's my dress?"

"Are you going to be one of the bridesmaids?"

"Well of course. I have a role to play around here. Hey!" she shrieked. "We need the best man's tuxedo. NO! That's a black single breasted dinner jacket with satin lapels! And what's with the trousers? A black brocade Edwardian jacket with satin collar? Not in this lifetime you don't! The grey striped trousers! That's what we need! That's it! No tuxedoes! No more! We're changing the whole selection!"

"Who's the best man?"

"Don't know, don't care—WHAT ARE YOU DOING? No, no, no! I am NOT going to wear a one shoulder satin bodice with a chiffon skirt! The bride is wearing a Mon Cheri Destinations! How would I look if the bride's mother is wearing a Cameron Blake? The Mon Cheri Flower Girl dress looks more feminine than this! What are you **_thinking_**?"

I looked at the mirror. Mon Cheri Destinations. So that's what I was wearing…

"Kagome!" Kaguya yelled as she was changing. "I mean—_Kazumi!_ You have to go meet your parents!"

Oh…right. The Hayashi couple. Great.

I stumbled in my heels as one of Kaguya's slaves…umm, _assistants_ directed me out the door and into another room. There I stood and waited for a couple minutes, which I took the opportunity to pick something out of my front two teeth, until two middle-aged people came in…

To begin showering me with love.

"Oh Kazumi!" they cried. "You're going to lose the Hayashi name! Oh, our baby's getting married!"

Hideo Hayashi, my very round father, burst into tears. "My little baby…all grown up…and getting married. At least I'll be able to walk you down the aisle… and dance at the reception…still…" He sniffled.

Hinako Hayashi, my very petite mother, clasped her hands together. "This is wonderful! Getting married to the love of your life with the same social status! You'll be rich AND happy, honey! What can be better than that? Oh, it's a dream come true!"

These actors…were good. Like they say: if it's worth doing, then it's worth overdoing.

-

-

-

Inuyasha scratched his neck. He was bored out of his mind.

The vest was too tight, the pants were itchy, and his hair clung to the back of his neck and shoulders with vengeance. What Kaguya had done, he would never know. But she had hell to pay.

He looked to the guests and quickly singled out his "mother", currently bawling with a silk handkerchief in her hand. His "father" sat beside his wife, comforting his beloved as the two talked of their "son" and his great fortune in finding such a gorgeous woman to wed. Inuyasha was annoyed. The least his REAL parents could've done was come here disguised as Isamu's parents—not send some talented actors to play the parts.

But no, there were too many security concerns.

"There were always too many security concerns…" Inuyasha mumbled.

Unbeknownst to him, two sets of eyes were watching.

"What's with that guy?" Shippou said, holding onto his very important pillow. "He's sulking."

"The grooms are always sulking," Souten wisely said, also peeking around the corner with her new basket of…irises. "See, when a guy marries, his rat-a-tat life goes from short taps in a marching band to a loud, sluggish beat on the drum of death."

Shippou looked up to the taller girl. "Wait…so you mean getting married is like a…"

"A loud, sluggish beat on the drum of death, yeah."

"Wow. So if I ever married you I should kill myself?"

Kaede came in while flipping through what was left to check off on her clipboard. "OK, Kazumi has chosen to walk down the aisle by herself. This request will be honored, of course… which means we can speed up the procession," Kaede looked up only to find Shippou with a large, fresh welt on his forehead. "What happened to—"

"He fell down while we were playing tag," Souten intervened. "Didn't you, my love?"

Shippou whimpered. "Yes, honey buns."

-

Many painless minutes later…

-

Inuyasha held his breath. All the guests were here, the officiant was behind him, and the best man…

"Nice to meet you," an indigo-eyed man greeted. "I'd shake your hand but then the guests will get suspicious."

"Likewise," Inuyasha shrugged. "So, what, are you a scientist or a doctor?"

"Oh no, I don't work in the bank. I'm an acquaintance of Kaede's. Agreeing to be your best man was a way to pay back…a debt I owed."

"Ah, I see."

The groom and the best man turned to the door as did all the guests when the procession started. Each groomsman that entered was accompanied by a bridesmaid. Interestingly enough, the first of the bridesmaids was Kaguya, meaning she'd be standing farthest from the altar.

_Thank lord_, Inuyasha thought.

The groomsmen stood beside him as the bridesmaids stood by the bride's side of the altar. He watched as, next, the ring bearer and the flower girl entered. Strangely enough, the flower girl was throwing down the irises like rocks as she walked down the aisle, and the ring bearer was making sure he stomped on them like he was crushing empty eggshells.

"Wait, isn't the ring bearer supposed to come before the flower girl?" Inuyasha frowned, seeing the poor ring bearer choke on some of the rogue irises.

"Well," his best man whispered back. "Kaede's wedding was a traditional Japanese wedding. I think she knows what she's doing, though."

"Hey," Shippou coughed. "Aren't you supposed to be walking behind me?"

"Oh shush," Souten hissed. "I know what I'm doing. This is what Kaede-sama wanted!" She threw a handful of irises over her shoulder, suffocating Shippou with a particularly nasty shower of flowers. "Now follow my lead! I've seen it on movies!"

Inuyasha watched the flower girl bully the ring bearer off to the side, a large sweat drop sliding down his forehead.

Next up was the maid of honor, Sango Mizuno, alias Satsuki Morita, wearing an exquisite champagne-colored dress with a dramatic deep back plunge and a multi-tiered skirt. She slowly traveled down the aisle with a small satisfied smile on her glossed lips. Strangely enough, Inuyasha heard his best man slyly whistle, all but suggestively.

Sango must've heard it too. She casually ignored the best man's eyes and walked to her place.

"You know her?" Inuyasha nudged his best man. "Or do you just have low standards?"

"Oh, I met her outside," he wiggled his eyebrows. "I like her better with the pellet gun, though."

"…eh?"

"Here comes the bride," the best man mumbled, "all dressed in white."

The guests all stood up in unison.

The bride's grand entrance.

Inuyasha turned to see his soon-to-be wife delicately coming down the aisle, all the while lovingly clutching a white bouquet. He didn't want to admit…and he definitely didn't want to say… that… she looked… kissable. Wearing an elegant but informal snow white gown, the sensuous tip of the shoulder necklines accenting the graceful brush trains, made her all the more aesthetic. Her hair was twisted in many folds and held up by a rose-like hairpiece. Her face shined with a neutral color, giving her the aura of a natural born beauty.

Which, he knew, she most definitely was not.

Inuyasha looked away, repeatedly thinking the same thing over and over in his mind. _U. G. L. Y. She's ugly. Uh-uh, she's ugly. Mm-hmm. So ugly. That's right._

Kagome was doing her best to avoid all eye contacts. Her heels, which made her two inches taller, were killing her ankles. She strained to retain her smile, knowing anything less would question her true emotion. However, when she saw her soon-to-be husband, she began to get cold feet. Couldn't she just…run away? She didn't want to marry this guy, and she certainly didn't agree to it. In fact, she had absolutely no voice in this at all! This wasn't fair… what happened to democracy? Yes, her groom looked quite lovely in his satin vest and his hair seemed to cascade down his back like a waterfall…

Wait, is that his best man?

…oh my LORD!

Completely forgetting about her cold feet she hurried down the aisle with more urgency than ever, somewhat throwing off the music she had been walking to. The guests laughed. She really was in a hurry to get married!

Inuyasha was appalled… to say the least. He elbowed her the moment she got to his side. Thankfully the officiant was also an undercover officer in disguise, so he did not take the situation seriously. The guests laughed and patiently waited for the music to stop.

"My dear Kazumi," the groom mocked. "I know I'm sexy, but I reeeeaaaalllly wanted to make this as long as possible. You know… the thing about trying to avoid the inevitable?"

The bride wasn't laughing. "Inu—I mean—Isamu! You know when you showed me the film?"

"Uh…what?"

"And you were going to blackmail me about my real job with that spare film?"

"Uh…yeah?"

"Well your best man's my real **_boss_**."

"Uh…" Isamu's eyes widened. "Wait," he turned to his best man, "a minute… He's…"

"My **_boss_**."

Kazumi and Isamu stared at Miroku Nagano, just as the bride's music ended. Miroku, on the other hand, was enjoying the festivity and innocently ogling at the pretty bridesmaids.

"Dearly Beloved," and so the words continued on and on and on and on, the never ending cycle of words and promises and such and such and things Kazumi and Isamu didn't quite understand and because it kept on going they got bored and began to think of much nicer things and la-la land and… they complete missed the whole "speak now or forever hold your peace" part…

"I do."

Kazumi and Isamu woke up, startled out of their daydreams. They both looked to each other, wondering if the other had spoken. It had instead been Kazumi's father, giving away the bride to the groom.

And then the words continued…

Souten and Shippou swayed on the spot, both tired but very much intent on outlasting each other.

"Shall we see who can stand this the longest?" Shippou beamed at the flower girl.

"Yeah, whatever," said Souten.

"Because whoever wins this is BETTER."

Then it was the groom's turn. Isamu squinted—something about holy matrimony?

"Will you love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, so long as you both shall live?"

Isamu and Kazumi exchanged a quick, uneasy glance.

"I will," said the groom.

To the bride. Same thing. Except there was something about submitting to him and serving him. Kazumi's left eye twitched.

"I will." She didn't think it would physically affect her, but it hurt. It really, really hurt.

"What pledge do you give of the sincerity of your vows?"

The groom answered. "A ring."

It was Shippou's cue. Souten egged him on until he skittered to the groom's side. However, he looked a little confused. As Isamu reached for the rings on the pillow Shippou edged away, quickly pulling the pillow back.

"You're not wearing a tuxedo," Shippou frowned.

Souten was not having any of it. "Just give it to him!"

"But Kaede said the guy wearing the tuxedo would take the rings…"

"No one here's wearing a tuxedo!" By now many of the adults were laughing. Isamu was growling, Kazumi was staring, Satsuki was smiling, Miroku was chuckling, Kaguya was tapping her foot, and everyone else was just… enjoying the weather.

"That guy sitting down's wearing a tuxedo!" he said, pointing to Kazumi's father. "I'll go give it to him!"

"You idiot!" Souten promptly stormed up and plucked the rings off the pillow, ignoring Shippou's protests. She pushed him aside and forced the rings into Inuyasha's flimsy hand. "Here! Take it!" Souten thought everything was said and done, but, as she turned around to steer Shippou away from the groom, she walked into Kazumi's white bouquet, which turned out to be…

"White roses! I'm allergic to ROSES!" Souten sniveled and wailed as she held her stuffy nose and rubbed her teary eyes, dropping her empty basket.

"Give it back!" Shippou jumped up, kicking the groom in the shin. "You're not wearing a tuxedo! You can't have the rings!"

"Hey!" Isamu howled in pain. "Oh, jeez, Kaguya told me to wear something else! Stupid kid! Curse you Kaguya!"

It was many a minutes before order was restored. By the time everyone had stopped laughing or asking whose kids they were, Souten and Shippou had been escorted out of the room, after both were promised a trip to the nearest pet store, and the pillow with the groom's ring had been set on top of the pastor's podium.

The groom was holding onto the bride's hand, fumbling with the bride's wedding band in his other hand.

Then it was back to the ring vows.

Kazumi gulped. It was her time to say it. She looked to the pastor. Then back to her dear, dear sweetheart. "I…" her lips trembled, "do…" She made the pause look sentimental by smiling weakly.

The groom's voice rang high in the large building, his vow scaring a couple of snoozing teenagers, who had been dragged to the wedding by their elders, awake. More words from the pastor followed. Kazumi's smile could not be more strained, which Isamu found oh so amusing.

"What pledge do you give of the sincerity of your vows?"

Bride's turn. "A ring." She plucked the groom's ring off the pillow. The pillow fell when she did so. Kazumi quickly kicked it away.

The groom smiled as the pastor asked him the same question, though using both their names this time. The groom's smile was deceptive and malicious. Yet his answer was sweet and confident.

"I do."

Kazumi sighed. "THIS RING I GIVE YOU…IN TOKEN AND PLEDGE…OF MY CONSTANT FAITHFULNESS AND ABIDING LOVE."

The guests whispered amongst themselves. Wasn't she…supposed to add words during her pauses? Or was she bending the rules?

"And may this ring given, be the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites your two hearts in love that has no end."

So the words flowed and continued on like spring water, going on and on and on and…on… prayers…

And then…

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Kazumi's eye bulged. The hell he will!

Isamu stared at his bride and, making sure only the bride and the pastor saw, winked. He leaned down, clasped her chin, and bent down just as he gently turned her face to the pastor. He turned his own face ever so slightly to the opposite side and passionately…pressed his cheek against hers, though making sure his long hair hid what they were really doing.

A stage kiss.

Kazumi muttered incoherently as the guests began to applaud and cheer. It was uncomfortable, yes, but at least they weren't kissing. And it was also good to have a pastor that was acting too. He was a doing a great job overlooking their little charade, happily pretending to flip through whatever was on his podium.

Isamu suddenly grabbed her forearms and pulled her closer, deepening their already passionate "kiss" and pressing his cheek ever harder on his bride's. The guests were pleased.

"You ANIMAL!" someone roared from the back.

"May I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Isamu Yamaguchi."

The guests stood up as they watched the recession start. The new husband and wife walked down the aisle, shielding their heads from flying irises and tasty rice…rice? Yes, delicious, precious rice. The new Yamaguchi pair ran like they were on fire. They were then followed by the flower girl and the ring bearer, both having made a triumphant return after they were…straightened out by Kaede.

"She sure straightened us out," Shippou grumbled.

Souten cleared her throat. "Yes, Exhibit A. Please note Kaede-sama's careful straightening work," she pointed to Shippou as her prime example. "Kaede-sama's people have been disciplinary-straighteners since the Middle Ages."

The maid of honor and the best man followed them down the aisle. Satsuki, or Sango, eyed the best man as the two followed the children out through the door. "I take it the debt's been repaid?"

Miroku looked down with a kind smile. "Oh, perhaps. Perhaps not. We'll just have to see, won't we _Satsuki_?"

The bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down in pairs. The parents then followed the wedding party, both mothers crying and holding their respective husbands.

As Inuyasha and Kagome were assaulted with flowers and praises outside the door, the two of them looked at each other. The wedding bell was ringing… but the funeral song was playing in their heads.

"Bloody hell," Inuyasha whispered. "I think we did it…"

Kagome nodded, just as grief-stricken as her husband was. "We're married."

-

-

-

**AN**: No **Miroku's Perspective! **this time. Too tired. Plus the two are married. I think that's enough for one day. –.– What? I **_really_** am tired. Anyhow, next chapter—don't know the title, but it'll be the wedding reception. A short 30-minute wedding reception, yes, but a lot of things can happen in 30 minutes… a LOT of things.


	6. Love Him or Die

**AN**: I drew a wedding picture (Kagome and Inuyasha's thoughts included). Go to my homepage and see!

* * *

Plain Normality 

**Love Him or Die**

-

-

-

"Kazumi, honey, the nice officer wants you to have another drink."

I rolled my eyes.

Satsuki, the officer, laughed. "This nice officer's ordering you to drink up, Kazumi-dear. Besides, you wouldn't want to be conscious for the honeymoon…"

Everyone around us laughed, many of them already drunk from the copious quantities of food and, yes, alcohol. I was more than uncomfortable. There were so many fat, drunken, middle-aged men drinking and belching and singing and laughing… I was suffocating.

Isamu, my darling, however…

"Oh, she's going to have one heck of a night tonight. Isn't that right?" he said and promptly grabbed my rear end, thought half-heartedly. He got my shrill squeak nonetheless.

When the food was more than half gone and most of us were gay with glee, the best man stood up with a microphone in his hand.

"_Who gave him the mike?" _Isamu bellowed before Miroku had the chance to speak. Again, people laughed. I, on the other hand, covered my mouth and closed my eyes, giving the illusion that I was laughing along when, in fact, I was grimacing. Painfully.

"I love you too, Isamu," Miroku grinned. "Just cut down on the drinking. You're blushing more than the bride!"

Laugh, laugh… my grimace was getting worse.

"Anyway, I'd like to make a very important announcement, please," Miroku waited for everyone to settle down. "I'd like to be the first to make public of today's REAL miracle. Today at exactly 10 AM, Central Time, Isamu finally did something he had not dared do in nearly a decade," insert dramatic pause. "He has, at long last, shaved his armpits. That is all." And Miroku sat down and casually passed the mike to Satsuki. "Oh, also… CHEERS!" he took a sip from his glass and innocently smiled.

Isamu's left eye twitched. Everyone else, including me, laughed like there was no tomorrow.

I always laughed when Inuyasha was in pain. And that meant emotionally too.

"Talk about the shortest Wedding Toast in the world. Funny man, isn't he?" Satsuki stood up. "Strange that I never met him before the wedding. Well, there's nothing like a little liquid courage to calm your nerves," she said and chugged down her glass of champagne. "Oh dear, I forgot. Are the kids still here?"

A couple of people pointed to the flower girl and the ring bearer, currently busy pigging out on the wedding cake.

"They're already eating the cake? The heck? Well what am I wasting time for? Let's get the party started! Emcee! Start the music for the First Dance!"

Isamu and I were pulled out of our seats and pushed to the center of the floor. Before I was left alone with my dear husband the music began.

Satsuki, who still had the mike in her hand, blinked. "Oh dear. Looks like they'll have to dance to the… oh my lord! The disco ball of death!"

I looked up and examined the biggest disco ball I had ever seen. "They cannot be serious…"

"Dance, slaves!" Satsuki yelled. "Dance, you worthless Roman pigs! Dance, I say!" she swiped Miroku's glass and chugged down the content.

"I think she's overdoing it…" I said before turning to Isamu…

…who happened to be striking a pose.

"What are you—" I started before he grabbed my hand and pulled me in. "Hey!"

"We have to dance the night away!"

"We just ate lunch!" It didn't matter, though. All other lights were dimmed down and we were the center of attention. I went along with Isamu's dance style and followed as much as possible. I stopped, however, when Isamu started doing the moonwalk. Followed by a one-handed freeze (or a pike). And then came the barrage of weird, twisted moves from his breakdancing days. Which threw the disco music off.

I held my forehead.

M. O. R. O. N.

Before the music ended Kazumi's father, my father, I guess, came in, giddy for the Father/Daughter dance. Isamu stayed, however, and tried to teach the old man the one-handed freeze (or the pike). Let's just say it ended horrendously with a sore back for both gentlemen.

Many couples came in when the third music began, which happened to be heavy metal. It seemed like the traditional waltz… was dead.

* * *

Bouquet time! 

"We need all the single women present!" Miroku yelled into the mike, waving his arm to emphasize the point. I could see why he was going frantic. One 60-year old woman wouldn't make a very exciting bouquet toss…

Soon enough more single females came in, some urged by their parents and boyfriends, others for the sake of humor and perhaps a good catfight. Did I also mention most of them were drunk like cat on catnip?

Kaguya was one of them.

"I'm going to die alone dammit." She grumbled something incoherent after that and stumbled to the floor.

Satsuki was the last to join, positioning herself right in the middle of the huge group, right between two very excited bridesmaids.

Souten, the flower girl, was by the side, her arms crossed. "I'm not touching that stupid bouquet of ROSES."

I grinned. I turned around. And I tossed the bouquet over my shoulder with all my might. I must've thrown it too hard, because I heard it scrape the end of the expensive chandelier before falling into the group waiting on the floor. It was mass mayhem, at the best.

"I got it!" someone screamed.

"Let go!" another screamed.

"I touched it!" someone else (Souten) screamed. "The burn! The pain! The humanity!"

"Get that disgusting thing away from me!" Kaguya. No doubt.

I stared. Wow… girls really can scratch.

Miroku and Isamu were hypnotized. "Oh boy…" Miroku said. "Look… one of them just ripped the other's skirt off…"

"Uh-huh." Isamu's eyes wouldn't close.

In the end, Satsuki came out alive.

"HA!" she screeched, bouquet in hand. "Try and win a catfight with ME!"

A large sweat drop slid down my temple. She was drunk. Most definitely.

Then I realized.

"Time for the garter toss!" Miroku yelled.

Oh dear…

Someone happily pushed a chair to the floor and I was forced to sit down. More hands pushed Isamu to the floor until he was in front of me, red and, like me, embarrassed.

"You ANIMAL!" someone yelled from the back. Like last time.

Isamu got on his knees and, hesitantly, lifted my skirt up an inch at a time. While everyone screamed and laughed and cheered, I was bending down and holding Isamu's shoulders in a strange defensive maneuver.

"You know I'm not enjoying this," he grumbled as he patted my inner thigh. "And where the hell's your garter?"

"That's the wrong thigh you idiot!"

He sighed and did something that REALLY pleased the crowd. He threw the skirt in the air and dunked his head down, halfway into my dress.

"GAH!" I screamed as everyone else hooted and screamed. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw someone pushing Souten and Shippou away, shielding their virgin eyes.

I felt a pinch. Wait. He isn't doing what I think he's…

Oh. He is.

Isamu came out of my skirt with the garter in his mouth. He was red.

Like me.

"You ANIMAL!"

"SHUT UP!" both of us shouted back.

"Time for the toss!" Miroku said and gave the mike to Satsuki before bounding down, happily joining the throng of single men ready to catch the garter in their awaiting hands, most of them a groomsman. Shippou, the only boy under 10, looked around, confused, having been forced into the group by Souten.

I skedaddled out of there with the chair in my hands, too embarrassed to watch.

"Get ready boys!" Isamu held the vile object in his hand. "You only get one chance, you got that, little girls?"

I watched from next to Satsuki, who was still drunk, as Isamu turned around and threw the garter over his shoulder.

"EYAHHHHHHHH!" To everyone's extreme amusement, and even my own, every single man in the group screamed like a girl and dashed away from the garter as if it was the bubonic plague.

Isamu clapped his hands and laughed. "Alright, alright, I get it. No, really though. I'll count to three and the one who grabs the garter off the floor first will get to put it on the leg of the one who caught the bouquet."

Satsuki froze.

The group of all the single men froze.

"One," Isamu counted down. "Two… two and a half… two and… oh never mind, THREE!"

Like horny dogs the men dove to the garter as if it was the last female dog on Earth.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Miroku came out, albeit with a struggle, from the bodies wriggling in pain on the floor. "I conquer all!" (Seems like someone else was also drunk.) Oddly enough, Shippou, unconscious, somehow ended up atop Miroku's head…

"PUT IT ON!" Isamu started a chant. "PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON!"

This time I was the one happily pushing my dear maid of honor onto the floor, chair and all.

Miroku put the garter in his mouth as he bent down in front of Satsuki, except…

"Don't go there!" Satsuki pulled the garter out of his mouth and dropped it in his hand. "And if you try anything…"

Even I hooted when Miroku tentatively began to push the garter up Satsuki's right leg. Halfway up, he stopped.

"Oh, is that the wrong leg?" he grinned. "Should I start over?"

"NO!" Satsuki was the only one who protested.

She held her red face as Miroku began again, pushing the garter up inch by inch until his head was practically in her skirt.

"Wow," he said from under her dress. "It's really cramped in here."

"Get out!" Satsuki screamed and started kicking his head with her other foot. "Out, out, OUT!"

Miroku, with a black eye, jumped back. "Catgirl got fire!"

I laughed until I heard a couple of ominous clinks. Soon there were more clinking glasses. Oh no…

"KISS!" Souten and, the now conscious, Shippou shouted together as they waved their glass of lemonade around. "KISS ALREADY!"

Isamu and I stood up slowly, both of us looking around and wondering how to fake it this time. Luckily, Isamu had something in mind.

"I profess my love to this filthy wench!" he shouted as he turned and embraced me, giving me the most uncomfortable hug imaginable. He bent down to claim my lips, and just as his lips were an inch away from mine… he stepped on my toe and pushed me onto the floor, making it look like we were making out behind the draped table when really he was just bullying me around.

"**EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"** Souten and Shippou looked away in disgust. Ironic. Since they DID order us to kiss…

"And now," Isamu shouted as he got up and wiped his mouth, "we must leave to make LOVE!"

Shippou nudged Souten. "What does that mean?"

"Don't know," Souten blinked. "But I saw a Rated-R movie in the video store with that kind of title."

Isamu pulled me up and dragged me to the door, all the while shouting things like, "Heavy Load!" or "Don't aggravate the walrus!" …yeah, real funny. Nevertheless, we made it to the door to find the limo…

Decorated with two empty kegs tied at the end, each of them with the words "Just Married… No really!" spray painted over it.

Oy Vey.

"Have a happy life!" Satsuki and Miroku said as they hastily pushed us into the awaiting limousine. "Don't forget to change before you get to the airport!"

"Wait—" They closed the door in my face before I could say another word.

I watched them and my old life roll away as the limo shot off, leaving the world in its dust.

"Goodbye world," Inuyasha said, speaking my mind. "Hello ball and chain."

-

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**AN: **Heh… heh… off to Shanghai for the newlyweds! Now REVIEW and tell me what you think!


	7. The Life of a Newlywed

"You done yet?"

"Shut up!" I pushed the pillows away, breaking the wall that separated the makeshift dressing room from the rest of the limo. "I gave you more time when _you_ changed!"

He grinned. "Champaign, **sweetie**?"

I cringed. My lord, how could my husband manage to sound so sweet AND mocking? …I cleared my throat. "No, my mother looks down on alcohol…honey." The last word left a bitter taste on my tongue.

Isamu smirked and poured himself a glass. "Well, it's just us and the limo driver. No one will ever know, sweet-cheeks. Isn't that right, Maurice?"

The limo driver laughed, though I could tell it was forced. He must've been new to posing as a driver.

I turned to the tinted windows, watching the world roll by with a reflection of my sour expression looking back at me. Kazumi Hayashi married to Isamu Yamaguchi. Kazumi Yamaguchi. Boy did that sound wrong.

I examined my face and my new outfit. The makeup artists had done a great job selecting my new civilian clothes. I really did look like I had just come out of a bride's dress, what with the sparkling makeup left from the wedding reception and the luxurious curls falling out of the once expensive hairdo. And I had French manicures to complete the package!

Now I just needed to _act_ like a newlywed.

"How about some beer?" Inuyasha pushed a can in my face as he rested his hand on my lap, suggestively, and painfully, squeezing my thigh. "I'm sure you'll like it."

I struggled to smile, wrinkles forming to show my dismay.

Yup. This was going to be a LOOOOONG honeymoon.

-

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Plain Normality

**The Life of a Newlywed** (finally!)

-

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"Oh, look at them," I heard someone say as I stepped out of the limousine. "They must be on their first honeymoon."

Inuyasha, upon hearing this, hopped out of the car and immediately wrapped his arm around my waist. As he pulled me in I heard a couple of "Aww" from a bunch of foreigners about to board a tour bus.

"Why don't you relax?" he whispered in my ear, making it look like we were cuddling. "I'll take care of everything." He added a wink just to spite me.

"Oh shush," I hissed and slapped his hand away, though I made sure I was doing it playfully so people thought we were teasing each other. If this was how it was going to be for the next 4 weeks, I was doomed.

The fake smile on my face tightened even more as I watched Maurice drive away. I was left with my dear Isamu.

"Come on love, we have to get going."

I turned to Inu—I mean—Isamu. Oh whatever. Forget the aliases. "Of course, pudding." I dragged my luggage with a huff, grudgingly following my husband into the lively airport.

* * *

Shippou saw the last of the guests off, pasting a hollow smile on his face as another obese lady pinched his cheeks, ruffled his hair, and rubbed his belly. 

"Goodbye, goodbye," Shippou slammed the door, "and good LORD I'm finally free!"

"Shut up and help me clean up."

Shippou turned… and fell at the sight of his companion wearing a foolproof biohazard suit, her supposed chain mail augmented with double layer latex gloves and two miniature oxygen tanks strapped to the back. He sat up on his fox tail and squinted, noticing that, behind the bulletproof facemask of her white rubbery suit, she was also wearing a surgeon's mask and swimming goggles.

"What?" Souten glared at the blur that was Shippou. "You better not call me fat, or you'll get it." She pointed her salad tongs and the industrial sized garbage bag, her tools of the trade, at the boy to emphasize the threat.

"Can you… can you see me through that?"

"Good enough to whoop your butt…if I have to."

Shippou shuddered. "Why do you always pick on me?"

"Because that's life, my-forever-clueless-one," Souten bent down and picked up another rose petal off the dirty floor with her salad tongs, her nose scrunched up to show her apparent disdain. "That's how it is in the real world. Learn to survive now or in 30 years I'll find you cowering behind Kaede-sama with a goatee and an unwashed hippie hair talking about utopian fantasies while playing PlayStation24."

Shippou blinked. "What's a goatee?"

"AH!" Souten slipped and fell on a well-placed banana peel. "Dammit, stupid…I HATE weddings…stupid roses…"

"Souten."

The former flower girl looked up when she felt a heavy weight settle on her chest. "Shippou, what are you doing?"

"Sitting on you."

"Get off!" she wiggled around and turned this way and that, but the two oxygen tanks on her back were equivalent to that of an exceptionally arched shell of a tortoise. "Curse you! Curse you all!"

"Just why are you wearing that?" Shippou asked, wiggling his tail. "That weird suit, I mean."

Souten gave up trying and went limp. "Because, lover boy, the doctor said if I get three allergic reactions in a row the next one I get will be fatal. That means if I touch another rose petal, you won't be seeing me for a LONG time…"

"I know what death is," Shippou said, surprising Souten with his blunt reply. "Remember my dad?"

Souten glared. "And remember my brothers?"

There was a pregnant pause. "Is that why you've been so mean to me?"

"You know nothing."

Shippou crossed his arms. "I'm not moving until you tell me why you don't like me anymore."

"Who said I ever liked you?"

"Kaede."

Souten's eyes bulged (from behind the goggles and the facemask). "She TOLD you?"

"She thought I should know ever since you began acting out…you know, after your brothers—"

"That's it!" Souten flung her arms in the air and began flailing her limbs like a fish out of water. "Kaede-sama's SO off the Christmas card list!"

Shippou fell back to relax on top of Souten, and, since he was so much smaller than the girl, his head came only to rest comfortably on her stomach. "Just why did we volunteer for this? You hate flowers."

Souten's tantrum stopped as quickly as it began. "Shippou."

"And Kaede always treats me like a baby…"

"Shippou," Souten sighed. "We owed her. We had to repay a debt."

"The debt?" Shippou frowned, mindlessly counting the pieces dangling from the chandelier. "Just because she took us in? Jeez, I bet there are a lot of people who owe her THAT debt."

"What can I say? She takes in strays."

And if anyone was to see them now, to see the smaller ring bearer lying on top of the former flower girl, both with the same faraway look in their eyes, there would be no other appropriate reaction but "AWWWWWWW"…

* * *

I stretched. "Wow…first class sure was comfortable." 

"Yeah, especially since you have those troll feet."

I sent him a withering glare before the glass doors slid open.

"_Welcome!" _A Chinese woman bowed, her English slightly accented. "You are Yamaguchi couple, yes?"

I blinked as Inuyasha smoothly answered… in fluent Chinese. He knew **Chinese**. He knew one more language. I only knew Japanese and English. He knew Japanese and English AND Chinese. Darn it, he's smarter than me!

The woman, pleasantly surprised, proceeded to lead Inuyasha to her desk to personally hand him the suite keys. I expected this kind of treatment; we were heirs to a vast fortune… or at least Kazumi and Isamu were.

I sighed and pulled my luggage to a nearby wallflower, feeling queasy around the rich folks. Standing next to an inanimate painting felt more natural than trying to fit in with these people. And this ring… I looked down at my wedding band and began fiddling with the sacred jewelry. It was so tight too.

Then I sensed it. Not really the kind of sensing with my Spidey Sense, but sort of…a _guess_, with my intuition, per se. I turned my head slightly to the right, slowly, casually, to avoid looking paranoid, and saw a couple of tourists intently watching me from the other side of the lobby, examining me like a bald eagle eyeing a fish out of water. When our eyes connected one of them immediately puckered his lips and leaned forward, as if he wanted to blow kisses at me. His buds laughed. I'm not sure if they were flirting with me… or mocking me.

But it was still creepy.

Argh, I only attracted the freaks, didn't I?

It wasn't their immature actions that bothered me. No, it was their eyes. Their predatory eyes—it was as if they were in this one disturbingly organized hunting group. Two of them surveyed the lobby as if on guard for something while some of them dispersed, acting as normal as possible. Then, to my great concern, three of them started walking my way, their calculating eyes fixated on me.

What was I supposed to do? Just start running away? What were you supposed to do in a classy place like this? I was so busy trying to follow the social etiquettes of the rich that I was forgetting common sense, including one's most reliable instinct.

Your gut feeling.

Believe me when I say this: MOVE when you feel uneasy. Don't be stubborn and hold your ground like a rock (unless they're purposely trying to intimidate you). If you stand your ground just because you don't want to embarrass yourself and hurt your pride, then you're a fool. Like me.

So lucky for me I had a wedding ring on…

"Yo," Inuyasha returned with the Chinese lady in tow. "We got our keys, love. The lady's going to lead us to our… you OK?"

I turned around and gave him a humorless smile. Ah, I see. Demon senses picking up on my discomfort, eh? How convenient. "Yeah. Let's go…Isamu."

And, as we traveled to the large private elevator, I wrapped my arm around Inuyasha's forearm and rested my head on his shoulder. I stuck a large grin on my face and nodded to a passing group of foreigners, showing them my man. Showing them that I was taken. Showing them that I was untouchable.

And Inuyasha, though suspicious, didn't say a word.

* * *

Kaede somberly placed the receiver back on the holder. 

The man sitting on the opposite side of the oak table, the one Kagome knew as the SD man, sat rigidly in his chair. "What's the word, Kaede-sama?"

"Not good. Not good at all," Kaede rested her knobby chin on her two wrinkled hands, two crooked elbows stiffly planted on the dusty surface of her once abandoned office desk. "Inutaisho's jet was shot down. His body…is currently missing. And his wife… she was last seen in the cafeteria. Ironic that I happen to be the last person she talked to before her disappearance act."

"It's as if she knew," the SD man trailed off when he was hit by a sudden epiphany. "Oh!"

"Yes," Kaede voiced his thoughts. "She knew. She knew she was going to disappear, as she knew her husband would before her."

"Then why didn't she—"

"She does not toy with Fate," Kaede's answer was short and harsh. "She may be younger than us, at least in human age, but remember that her soul matured years before ours peaked. Izayoi is too kindhearted, too gentle for this modern day and age. She does not question destiny. She follows it. It's a curse she will live with for the rest of her life."

"What about the girl?" he unconsciously clenched his hands. "The girl now known as Kazumi Yamaguchi. She wasn't part of her destiny. Not by a long shot."

Kaede smiled. Grimly. "And that's why Izayoi's so taken with her…so taken with the girl who can challenge Fate itself."

The SD man sat quietly for several minutes, paraphrasing the senior scientist's words in his head. _Such a cruel gift for such a delicate flower._ "It's very frustrating, isn't it?"

"Frustrating indeed. What's worse, my son…" she held her forehead with a motherly sigh.

"Son? You mean Shippou?"

"No, no. My other son…"

"Your other son… Kaede," he stared, "you take in so many _sons_ and _daughters_ I've lost count. And, like Shippou and Souten, so many of them don't even consider you their mother. To them, you're just someone they owe a large debt to. One time I even found a wad of money in your mailbox with a Thank You letter attached to it. Really, it's just too much."

Kaede opened her mouth, paused, and quickly said, "What were you doing in my mailbox?"

"Nothing." His answer was a little too hasty.

"…well, who I take in is my choice and my choice alone. The only trouble is one or two of them sometimes come back with blood on their hands."

"Blood? What do you…the best man," the SD man was stopped by another epiphany. "Oh!"

"Yes. He was mostly raised by his godfather, but I was there for him as much as his godfather was there to teach him about the opposite sex. Then he enters the military and breaks any kind of contact he has with me. Now, after all these years, he comes back to tell me he needs to repay his debt, as if he was dying. And, strangely enough, his secretary isn't with him."

"Secretary?"

"Or coworker. I never figured that part out. They were inseparable, you know. They met in the military. I heard they started a business together, but now, I don't know. She's gone, and… oh, we're getting off track aren't we?"

He blinked. "Uh…we are…?"

Kaede sighed and stood up. "Call in the scouts. We'll need two separate search parties in half an hour."

* * *

I think Inuyasha started feeling uncomfortable the moment we both sat down. 

As the Yamaguchi couple had been invited to a special charity dinner party in the hotel restaurant, Inuyasha had worn his best dinner jacket and I had worn my best dinner dress. (When I mean "the best" I mean the best we could find in less than 6 hours. By the way, before I forget, I'd like to thank Sango for the oh-so prompt warning).

Inuyasha grabbed the menu and skimmed through the choices, though, as he was in my peripheral vision, I saw his eyes occasionally flicker over the menu and analyze me instead. I knew why he was acting the way he was. Ever since the incident in the lobby I had been on my best behavior, lest he kick me out of our honeymoon suite and feed me to the sharks. Even as we left our room and entered the dim lit restaurant I remembered to snuggle his right arm like a doting little trophy wife.

I felt him shudder when I cuddled him.

But when I thought about what I was doing, and thus start to regret my actions, I remembered those eagle eyes. Eyes that studied me, prodded my body, as if deciding how much I was worth. You can't tell a stranger to look away unless you want to sound like a paranoid schizophrenic; but I wasn't about to leave myself vulnerable like last time.

So I kissed up to my husband as much as needed. (Meaning whenever we were together in public).

"So…eh," Inuyasha started, his voice rough and unsure. "What do you…what are you planning on ordering?"

Funny. I was making him nervous without even meaning to. I had broken his egotistical guise. And yet I was strangely… unsatisfied.

"Your orders, please?" a waiter, with a French accent, came up with a little notepad in his hands.

"I'll have a canard au sang…and one quiche." I said, randomly picking two names from the list of cuisines. "And water, please. No wine for me."

Inuyasha raised his right eyebrow before saying, "I'll have a steak au poivre with sherry and pommes frites. Also, I'd like cider instead of wine."

Dammit. He knows Chinese AND French cuisines.

As soon as the waiter left with the menus Inuyasha leaned in, trying to make out my face in the dim light. "Just what the hell are you doing?"

"What…?" I hadn't expected that.

He lowered his voice, making sure to keep his voice under the restaurant's soft music. "What's up with the cuddling and the snuggling? All you've done is kiss up and coddle and pamper… and in our suite you lock yourself in the bedroom and watch TV."

I shrugged, avoiding his eyes by looking at the ceiling. "I just like acting… oh crap."

"What?"

I leaned in and grabbed his forelock, pulling his face closer. "Enemy at three o'clock."

His eyes flickered to his left, my three o'clock, and he looked back at me. "It's just one guy."

"The same guy with the posse of perverts that tried to escort me out of the lobby this morning." So I exaggerated on the details. They didn't exactly try to escort me, but if Inuyasha hadn't come sooner they probably would've tried to.

"Excuse me."

I released my husband's forelock and the two of us looked up, curious.

"I'm with the music crew," the man started, only making eye contact with me, "and I was wondering if you'd like to visit us in the backroom."

I exchanged a quick, astounded glance with my husband. This man had the nerve to invite me, an obviously married woman, to a secluded area? I mean, I was sitting in a dark restaurant with a man, both of us with a gigantic rock on our ring fingers, and leaning over the table looking like we were exchanging romantic words or even some kisses. How many more hints did you need? I guess this lady's man was blind. Or stupid.

…probably stupid. Yeah, he's the latter. This guy was stupid.

I cleared my throat and got ready to spell out the facts to this idiot. "I'm sorry, but my _husband _and I have…something already planned. For tonight."

"He can come too." He said this while completely ignoring Inuyasha, though his voice was full of forced lightness and nonchalance. I looked back to my husband and, needless to say, Inuyasha was mighty pissed.

Sensing that this was going to get really ugly if I didn't intervene, I quickly replied, "No, that's OK. I think I'll just stay with my husband for a while."

Then, for a second, I saw something flash in his eyes. Something dark, possessive, and hungry. I blinked. It was gone. Maybe I imagined it.

"We'll be in touch."

_We'll be in touch…?_

The two of us watched him go in silence. We stayed that way until our orders came. Inuyasha chugged his cider and I stared at my dish.

"Isamu," I whispered. He didn't look up from his plate, but his hands paused. Then I said something I thought I would never voice, especially to my husband:

"I'm scared."

* * *

**AN: **Next chapter—His Strength, His Loss 


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